My excursion into dating land has commenced. I'm going to describe my feelings and struggles, but I'm going to try and carefully parse out my words so that the women don't feel as tho I am writing about them.
Let's start at the beginning.
Life was going smoothly a couple weeks ago. I had my routines, my ambitions, and my leisure time all worked out. You might say that I had become comfortable. It felt good.
My counselor said that comfort is dangerous for me. I'm very intelligent and if I'm not being challenged I could find myself fading away into an emotional black hole. My counselor is nutso. I worry about her.
Ok, maybe she isn't nutso, but I am uncomfortable now. If that was the goal of dating, then I succeeded! Damn I am uncomfortable. I feel like the first person riding a roller coaster that just got built. It's probably safe.....but can you truly be sure?
I have so many fears about dating. Most aren't even about the women. Don't get me wrong, women are terrifying creatures, but I fear myself. I utterly failed so bad in my past that I simply can't trust me now.
I have a fear of being rejected. If I'm totally smitten with a lady and I get rejected, that hurts. I realize I must grow up in this area. That's why I have the dating many women requirement, to help prohibit me from attaching quickly. But if I'm starting to dig on a woman, how do you figure out how not to smother her? How do you keep your emotions in check and let her start to dig on you? I guess I would mow it over in my head and slowly drive myself nuts. Seems effective enough.
I have a fear of women attaching to quickly to me. Yep, I am a flipping hypocrite! I get all worried about what it looks like for me to form quick attachments, yet I don't consider that the women may be going thru the same issues. They have the same fears I'm sure.
I have a fear of going on multiple dates and concluding that the friend zone is the best zone. Whether that is based on my decision or theirs, it is a horrifying conversation to imagine happening. Nobody likes to be let down. Somebody gets sad when the friend zone is talked about.
I have smootchie fears. The fear of physical intimacy. When is it proper to hold hands? Can you kiss without acknowledging a mutual desire for a more meaningful relationship? I've taken to shaking the hands of my dates. I feel that is honoring to them and it avoids this issue entirely. Shaking their hands or giving a hug seems safe. I guess kissing is a threshold, or a milestone, into a more serious romance. That's why I won't be kissing my dates. Or at least I won't kiss and tell you here! Just kidding!
What if she is waiting to see if I am attracted to her? Maybe the kiss is her way of knowing I dig on her. Maybe I kiss them all so it loses its meaning. Maybe they will read this section and be repulsed!
I am way over thinking this stuff! Take a chill pill dude!
I can't do it. I can't go on dates and kiss. Not if I'm going to see others. That doesn't feel genuine or honest. Does this make me an uptight prude? Probably, I dunno, whatever.....I'm just uncomfortable with the idea. I think I'd be bummed if the woman I am on a date with just finished snogging their last date.
Dating is a complex cauldron of fear and excitement, exhilaration and despair. Who thought that dating was a smart thing to do? Oh yea, my counselor!
So here I am. I've gone on a few dates. I have many more to go on. I'm meeting many wonderful women and some crazy ones. By going on a date with me they get both!
The dating site has some trolls on it. Some are women who seem like they are prostitutes, some are women who are gold diggers. There are super needy ones, and ones that just want to party. I guess that is to be expected. The ones I don't understand are the ones that give out very little information. Are we men so dumb that anything more than a paragraph about you will confuse us? Don't answer that ladies!
It must be difficult on the women to post their pictures. Men are pigs. We get the cartoon wolf eyes when we see a lovely lady. Aaaaooogaahhh!
Some old dudes pursue much younger women. Kinda creepy dudes. Grow up!
Whew! I'm glad we are working on fixing the world's dating problems. Someone should have been on this year's ago. So don't worry folks, I'm sure by the time I'm done dating I could write a book. I'm amazed nobody has ever written a book about dating. *wink*
