My dating profile

  Here is what I wrote about myself on the dating site. The bold is the header under my picture. Let me know what you think.

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Outside of the box

Glad you took the time to read this. I'm a pretty easy going guy. Some might even call me a loveable teddy bear!

I'm a tall guy, 6ft 4in. My friends might describe me as a big guy, barrel chested, not overweight. But, let's be honest, they're my friends, I'm overweight. I've changed my eating habits and the extra pounds are slowly shedding off. I'm not doing a, kill me now, crash diet. I've just started eating more wisely and my size is reflecting that choice.

I'm a truck driver. I guess that's why the extra pounds came in the first place! I drive regionally in the Northwest. This puts me back in Spokane a couple of times a week, but not on a specific day. I schedule off 4 days in a row a month, usually at the end of the month. My schedule is fairly flexible, just depends on what the plans are.

My hobbies include fishing, flying rc planes, disc golf, golf golf, hiking, camping, movies, off roading, plays, and weekend excursions to see a new waterfall, mountain, river, or whatever.

I've been restoring a 1956 Chevy pickup that will be ready for paint in the next couple of months. Looking forward to taking it to the drive in! It's been a fun project. I enjoy sitting in it and imagining those nice country drives.

I am outgoing and like to be active. I also enjoy staying in and hanging out. I love cooking. I like finding those strange eats and trying them out. Finding new and unusual restaurants is definitely something I dig on.

I write alot. I've had an active blog for the last four years. It documents my struggles with life and various humorous things. The struggles? Yep. I have had some. I've been sober since July 6th of 2010. Recovery means the world to me. I have many deep relationships with men that have helped me to become the man who I am today. I'm an honest and loyal man. It took a colossal amount of pain to change me.

I know, it's scary stuff finding out a guy has a rough patch in his past. I wish I didn't! However, recovering from the rough patch has made me more sensitive and caring. It's also made me strong and dependable.

My life is filled with humor and grace. I have seen the painful side of life and it molded me into a kind and compassionate man. I find myself often helping men thru their struggles. I actively sponsor two men right now. (The group I am in is called the Samson Society). We are a company of Christian men who share the encouragements and challenges of living in a broken world.

Overall I am witty, intelligent, caring, and kind. I value honesty and compassion. I'm not looking for a hook up, a fling, or a one night stand. I want to get to know a genuine woman and have many fun dates. If it develops into something serious that would be great, but I want to date first and get to know you.

So then, what am I looking for in a lady?

Someone who understands recovery and struggles. Perhaps she had her own struggles or she has helped others thru theirs. Life isn't easy. If she gets that, then she is awesome.

She competes intellectually. No bimbos please! She is into books. I like reading and having deeper conversations.

She has her own quirky ways. Women who know who they are and are comfortable with themselves are a huge plus. If you love yourself then chances are I will be completely into you. Confident women are gorgeous.

She is flirtatious. I'm a flirt. Affection is huge. Snuggling up or walking around holding hands is just awesome! Passion....yes please.

Her body type isn't really much of an issue for me. Just like yourself, chances are I will also! Let's be real, I'm no skinny dude, but I take care of myself. Be the same.

Well, I suppose that's a start. If you want to know more then send me a note. I think you will find an intriguing man that you would like to know further.

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  My mom really liked it. My step sister said it was terrific. One of my guy friends said that it made him feel like dating me! Another said I did an awesome job selling myself. What do you think?

  Did I present myself well? Is there enough there for her to grasp who I am? Was I too wordy?

  I'm so nervous! I was speaking about being nervous to a lady who had responded to my profile. She said that it is ok, nothing to be nervous about, she doesn't bite!

  I should have said, "That's great that you don't bite, how about a little nibble tho?"

  Before you refer me to item 3 from my last blog, let me explain. I'm a flirt. I have a sexy sense of humor. This doesn't mean I want to play strip twister with her, I'm just a flirt! It also doesn't mean that I don't want to play strip twister with her. I just like to flirt! Get over it prude!

  But I didn't flirt with her. I froze. That is why I'm needing to write about this. I need to be myself. She needs to fall in love with the authentic me. I can't do counterfeit Josh anymore.

  If she knows the genuine me and we fall in love....wooohooooo!!!!!!!!!! It's twister time*!!!!!

 
* Josh wishes to make aware that twister time would come after altar time. No females were harmed in the writing of this blog. Your experience may vary. Some have experienced these side effects.....

Lol

Online dating

  I've taken the plunge! I'm starting to move into the dating scene. In this posting I am going to document my basic plans for dating. I'm not sure I can keep the plans, but at least we will have a place to identify where I failed!

1. At least ten dates before anything serious. This doesn't mean ten dates with the same woman, it's taking ten different women on dates.

  My palms are sweating just writing that! WTF am I thinking here? That is just plain daunting! How is this middle aged pudgy dude ever going to find a date???

  Takes time I guess. Time. Uggh

  The idea here is to guard against my natural proclivity to attach quickly. This gives my dates and I the freedom to be ourselves with no unnecessary burdens. If they truly grasp this concept they could even know what number they are in the lineup. The clever part of me wants to say, "Oh babe, you are number one", to all of them. I need to work on getting a smooth deep voice for that :-)

2. Once the ten dates are achieved then I can begin contemplating serious stuff with one. The serious stuff will last a minimum of one year before engagement. This gives us ample time to see how we each function in many situations. It allows enough time to pass so we can have some disagreement and see what that's like.

  Sure this seems simple. Sure seems like I just express myself about why I want to wait and she will understand. I wish it were so simple, however number three screws up number two.

3. No sex until marriage. No running the bases. What is second base anyways?

  This seems impossible. Flat out nutso!

Women, you are simply amazing sexual creatures. I dig on you. I want to....ok Josh, keep it from getting randy here.

  I want to do the cuddle thing. I want to kiss. I want to hold hands. Hands off coed showering sounds fun! Ok, maybe I can't do that last one :-)  Do you see the dilemma? If I'm getting serious with a woman and we totally dig each other, how do I keep her peaches on the tree? I like peaches! I want to shake her tree!

4. Ok, there isn't really a number four. Gotcha! We needed a break from all that sex talk, am I right?

  Folks, I want to give my future dates the ability to be themselves. Affording them that chance also gives me the same opportunity. We can learn about each other and help minimize the risks inherent in dating/courtship.

  This isn't a set of rules placed to make me feel super religious or a punishment of any kind. I want to find the love of my life. She is out there. She is brilliant and witty. Shy and flirtatious. She is tough and tender. This means taking things slow, giving myself time to be who I really am.

  I think if a woman is serious about her quest for a man then these things could appeal to her. It may mean alot to her to know that I really care about not hurting her.

 

A new boss

  Just received a note informing me that my driver manager has transferred to a different division of the company. This means that I get a new one. This new one is not as experienced as my prior one. I don't think he knows me. This makes me anxious.

  I've had three driver managers since I started at this company. All of them have been fair and good. My first manager got promoted and is now an even higher mucky muck. He and I still talk occasionally, he's a good dude. All three were able to help me out when I needed to be home. They contributed to my recovery.

  My anxiety isn't about my new boss being fair or good. I do my job better than most and I'm appreciated, I have clout. The anxiety isn't even about staying busy, the company is super busy and is growth minded, my job is pretty secure. My recovery life is pretty routine now, so I don't think the anxiety comes from possible scheduling conflicts.

  To be direct, I have no idea why the anxiety hit. It just slipped in. Like some rogue wave in the ocean, my anxiety appears to come out of nowhere. I've always been an anxious guy, makes me feel nutso sometimes. This little blast is no different.

  It has been a long process to learn how to relieve my anxiety. Writing has become part of my process. Blowing up my sponsors phone is yet another. I'm sure he and other friends will get an earful today.

  They help.

  I'm glad they don't find me exhausting. I know I might if I got phones calls about seemingly trivial things. Well....that's not strictly true. I enjoy comforting others and I know how small things can wreck ones day.

  The anxiety is over now. It passed somewhere in the preceeding paragraphs. I'm so grateful to have tools to work on my thoughts. I can slowly pour an egg of comfort into my bowl of confusion and temper the insane batter. My tools are comfort food for my soul.

  Calm down and carry on Joshua.

Zen and The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.

  If you aren't familiar with "Zen and The Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" then perhaps you should take this moment to go order it, read it, then come back and read this posting.

  We good? Did you read it? Good ending, am I right?!! Who saw that coming? Whoa!

  Ok, now, don't spoil it for me! I'm only halfway done!

  This book is freaking me out. Sure it got some motorcycle stuff in there, but it's also philosophically rich. It, so far, has pressed the boundaries of what could be considered normal thought.

  I'm digging it big time. Let me lay some reasons why on you:

1. My dad read it and grooved on it. I had no idea that he liked it until after I talked with mom. So now, with every chapter, I find myself straining to decode what it was my dad liked so much. Not an easy task. I'm trying to wrap my mind around a mid-twenties  version of my dad. He didn't understand himself! Now I'm gonna? Yeah right.

2. I don't think many people think very deeply. This isn't to say that most are idiots without the savant part, I just think most people are happy running along in the treadmill of average. As long as there is cheese and water, the mice are happy.
  I see people fall into their little bubbles of belonging. With each pat on the back they reassure themselves that they are original and have the market cornered on living right. It's not easy to step back from society and form one's own thoughts. Some have said that it is impossible to think original thoughts, but they probably heard that on the evening news.

3. The book taps into my fear of my former self coming back to life. I hate this fear. I think that returning to my former self is so remotely improbable, I am unable to imagine a story where that future is even possible. But some do. Some people get recovery, thrive in it, only to return years later to being a more vile version of their former selves. I would rather eat a bullet than return. That darkness was too fucking bleak.

4. The book gave me permission to think irrationally. More specifically, I can think rationally about the world, but I don't have to explain it to "them" in a way that they find rational. So it ends up being that "they" only think I'm being irrational. If they only knew.

5. I'm becoming a motorcycle dude. Dad left behind a 1976 Kawasaki KZ900 LTD. It is gonna be mine! So I find myself daydreaming about long rides thru sweeping canyons and up tall mountains. Boom baby....that's me looking cool. Man that's a sweet ride. What is that ride? It's no Harley I've ever seen.

  Speaking of dumb people. Why is it that Harleys are the go to bike of the "rebel"? If every rebel buys one, then how rebellious is it if you own one? Way to be yourself! Go buy another Harley t-shirt dude, we weren't expecting that from you. Get a wallet chain while you are at it. Stupid.

   Ok, I'm not really hacked off at the Harley dudes. The bikes are pretty, sure they are obnoxiously loud sometimes, but they are sweet. But, come on man buy something you truly original and cool. Fanatics.

  Don't send me hate mail mouth breathers!

  Eh, whatever. I'm digging the book. I can't wait for the next chapter. My mind is being challenged. I'll post something about it when I'm done.

  Maybe I will become obtuse. Some say I already am.

Smoking bird

  On the way to go fishing we found this little bird, preserved pretty well, in the back of my friends boat. We had stopped to get fuel and there it was, laying in the back by the seats.

  So, I picked the little fellow up and tossed him in the trash. We filled up and went for a smoke break before continuing our journey to the lake. That's when the idea struck, I could give someone else a great story to tell. An epic story. A story unlike any other. (Cue the dum dum dumm music)

  Here was what I did:

  I had almost finished my smoke. I took great care to let it burn out in a way where it still looked lit. Crushing it out wouldn't have worked. Then I stuck the cig on the birds beak and propped him up on the top of the fuel pump. The next person to fill up would be in for quite a suprise! A little dead bird that maybe died from smoking!

  Brilliant or bogus? Who knows.....but I sure laughed as we drove away. I only wish I had photos of the finished product. Hope I made someone's day! It made mine :)