Just received a note informing me that my driver manager has transferred to a different division of the company. This means that I get a new one. This new one is not as experienced as my prior one. I don't think he knows me. This makes me anxious.
I've had three driver managers since I started at this company. All of them have been fair and good. My first manager got promoted and is now an even higher mucky muck. He and I still talk occasionally, he's a good dude. All three were able to help me out when I needed to be home. They contributed to my recovery.
My anxiety isn't about my new boss being fair or good. I do my job better than most and I'm appreciated, I have clout. The anxiety isn't even about staying busy, the company is super busy and is growth minded, my job is pretty secure. My recovery life is pretty routine now, so I don't think the anxiety comes from possible scheduling conflicts.
To be direct, I have no idea why the anxiety hit. It just slipped in. Like some rogue wave in the ocean, my anxiety appears to come out of nowhere. I've always been an anxious guy, makes me feel nutso sometimes. This little blast is no different.
It has been a long process to learn how to relieve my anxiety. Writing has become part of my process. Blowing up my sponsors phone is yet another. I'm sure he and other friends will get an earful today.
They help.
I'm glad they don't find me exhausting. I know I might if I got phones calls about seemingly trivial things. Well....that's not strictly true. I enjoy comforting others and I know how small things can wreck ones day.
The anxiety is over now. It passed somewhere in the preceeding paragraphs. I'm so grateful to have tools to work on my thoughts. I can slowly pour an egg of comfort into my bowl of confusion and temper the insane batter. My tools are comfort food for my soul.
Calm down and carry on Joshua.
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