Ah, the age old battle of weight loss, such good times!
It began a couple years after I got married. Slowly, insidiously, I began consuming more than I expelled. The years of hyper-activity had meant that I could eat endlessly and never gain anything. I suppose it also helps that I had youth on my side. Nevertheless, my insulation rating was becoming greater.
In July of 2010 my world dissolved. Countless wounds to my family had culminated in a tragic finish. It was painful enough to drive me into recovery. I began taking an accurate assessment of who I had become. Here is an over simplification of who I was:
Morbidly obese
Addicted to porn
Addicted to alcohol
Addicted to self righteousness
Addicted to control
As friends helped me put down the addictions, the fat thing had to had to be put on hold. I wanted to be skinny, I wanted to diet and become healthy, but sobriety from alcohol took priority.
Chocolate and burgers were the key.
I found that I could transfer some of my cravings for alcohol over to sweets and burgers. It was effective. Today I am approaching 4 years sober! Yay me! Yay fat me!
A couple of times last year I started and stopped a diet. These would last just long enough for pizza and ice cream to beckon me back into their loving arms. So soft and gentle! When I was hurting, Ben and Jerry's understood compassion.
The turmoil and heartache of my impending divorce prohibited me from carving out these comfort foods. Days when I was especially hurt, I could plow into the food and find relief.
So when I came to terms with divorce things started changing. (As a side note, I may have come to terms with it, but it still jacks me up sometimes). I began my diet again in late January. I am proud to announce that I have shed 25 pounds! Truthfully, I still need to lose another 25 before its super noticeable. But my belt don't lie, I have run out of holes and need to drill a new one! Booyah!
My diet is so boring. I need to get a fridge for my truck so I can mix it up. For now it is mostly hardboiled eggs, cheese, beef sticks, and bun-less hamburgers. I mix it up with salads and broccoli. Monotonous.........so monotonous.
Diet coke slows my diet down. But its very difficult to give it up. Water doesn't quite have the same "washing it down" quality after I finish a smoke. A smoke! I know, I know...where was that on my list? Some other day in the future I will deal with that.
I am still a mess. No surprise there! I can't get it all fixed immediately. Things take priority, especially those things that hurt others. Its a strange feeling to learn to accept ones limitations.
I look forward to being skinny. I see the outline of the guy I used to be in the mirror. When I am skinny I can attract the babes, that would show my ex! I wish I knew what kind of woman she was intimidated by so I could date one of those.
Wow! Anybody got some pizza and ice cream?
