Grieving

  I was told that the grieving process would come in waves. I was told that some days would be good while others painful. Any attempt to circumnavigate heavy emotions just delay becoming better.

  Today is one of the tougher days. Its her birthday. Everything inside of me wants to send her a note. My mind screams, "Just show her that you care!" But the issue is not whether or not she knows that I care, its that she has chosen to not want that sort of contact.

  So, I write this specific note in an attempt to quiet my mind:

  Happy Birthday Jodi,
  I hope someone reaches out to you and shows you that they care. I hope the cards, notes, and gifts really make your day. When you blow out the candles, may your wishes come true.
  Love, Josh

  0_0

  That opens my eyes just writing that note. I am inexorably tied to her. My struggles with the separation are slowly subsiding. That makes me a bit sad. Its like I want the pain. Like somehow without the pain all the years would mean nothing. Forgetting isn't possible, but being OK doesn't seem right. If I am able to accept and move on, then maybe we never had love anyways.