Should feel

  I should feel _______ about ________, but I really feel _______.

  That sentence can be powerful. It allows me to place, in a proper context, the struggles I have identifying and relating troubling feelings.

  It's not an original idea that I came up with. I heard about it listening to The Mental Illness Happy Hour. That is quite a show! Enjoy it if you have the means. But be forwarned, reality is ugly and hard and he doesn't shy away from the difficult discussions. It's not a "G" rated show!

  So let's practice filling in the blanks!

  I should feel sad about going into this holiday season single for the first time, but I really feel relieved.

  Ok....that was a softball. Let's get gritty!

  I should feel upset that my dad is fighting cancer and doesn't appear to have much time left to live, however I feel happy that his time of weakness has brought us closer together.

  Immediately I want to fill that last statement with disclaimers, something to take the edge off, but that's the point of this excercise! Part of my struggles in life has been to try and act as tho what I am feeling isn't really so. I was burdening myself trying to figure out the proper feeling to have and it brought untold anxiety into my life. Today I am free to just feel. If the people I share those feelings with are safe people, then I can express my disturbing emotions without fear of being condemned or cast away.

  What then makes someone a safe person? Within the confines of this topic, a safe person is someone who can hear the difficult things yet remain unaffected emotionally. They aren't invested in the controversy.

  I should feel happy for having so many friends who I can be authentic with, but I feel a tinge of grief as I recall how horribly I treated others in the past. I wasn't a safe person.

  So, dig into that first sentence some. I believe it can be a gateway into understanding how our perceptions of other peoples requirements can break our spirits. It freed me up to express the dark stuff.

  I should feel embarrassed about sharing the dark stuff in these blogs, but instead I feel free and often laugh at how disturbing I actually can be.

  Sometimes I prefer to go dark, it gives me the giggles.