Elephant seals

  Guess I am worried about my size, specifically my weight. I am a tall dude (6'4") but I am also horizontally gifted. OK, fat! Tubby tubalotamous.
 
  For years my weight has been slowly climbing. Good food, heavy drinking, good food, getting sober, good food, lack of exercise, good food, and driving a truck have all contributed to my present portly state. Did I mention good food?

  Its a classic thing we see all across america. A non-active lifestyle ties together with good food. Its a recipe for largess.

   By now you granola crunchers are thinking "if you ate 'good food' you wouldn't be so big". Yeah, and if I ate only tree bark I would lose it all pretty quick. Say no to the tree bark diet.

  How do you identify a dogwood tree? By its bark.

  Nope, no granola crunching, bunny food diet will work for this dude. I just can't hack it. So today I embark on fatkins again. Steaks, butter, bacon, sausage, eggs.......oh yeah baby!

  Why the title of elephant seals?

  Those dudes have it so good. The most fat bull among them gets the babes. The cows are really cute and totally go for the big guys. Not fair! With elephant seals it appears that big and ugly looks good on a guy. When you look at them you always wonder just how the girl is so pretty and the guy is so horrendous yet they match up! I bet he has a great personality....yeah that's it!

  Its time for me to lose the weight. I let myself get away with eating wrong while I got sober, but three years is probably too much. My support group will help me be accountable. It is either lose the weight or work on my elephant seal calls. I already got the belly waddle down!