Friends

  I am so grateful for the friends in my life. They have been a great source of strength to this weary soul. As I face trauma and heartbreak they provide a sounding board for me to express my hurt.

  You know, I'm not that good at sharing how I am doing with my friends. Heck, I'm not that good at hearing how you are doing. When we are doing well its easy. But when hard times come the difficulty begins. Sometimes I pretend I am doing well just so my friends will want to talk to me.

  For instance, I will be sharing a bunch about my pain as i go thru this divorce. If I was listening to me I wouldn't exactly know what to say. I truly feel others pain, but what do you say? I like hearing others share their pain. I want to comfort them. But ameliorating pain isn't everything. Sometimes we can only stand next to them and offer hugs and love.

  I don't want my friends to attack my soon to be ex. She is the victim of marrying a broken man. Sure she could join me in therapy and work things out, but she doesn't want to. Does that make her an enemy? When my feelings are running high, the answer is yes! She is an enemy and I hate what she is doing. Then my leveler head comes back and I want to offer her compassion. Compassion that I didn't give her while married. A compassion that I can only give by the grace of Jesus. But sometimes I don't wanna.

  I ask my friends to be patient with me. I will be mean, I will be obnoxious, I will be a pain, I will be a butthole. But I want to be so much more. More nice....not more jerky!