Unrecognizable

  And they are off!

  Confusion takes an early lead,

  Anger begins to make its push on the back stretch,

  Disillusion has the rail,

  As we push into the final corner bitterness is showing signs of strength!

  I know, a horserace analogy for divorce isn't the most clever, but it works! So many heady emotions, so many glimmers of hope trampled under foot, heck even the announcer can't predict the winner! No matter what horse you bet on, its a race full of losers.

  There is a cliche about divorce that goes something like, "You won't be able to recognize the person you thought you once knew". My arrogance thought that it wouldn't happen to me. I REALLY knew her!

  I called her yesterday. Had a question about a bill. The phone call was pleasant and we figured out what was up. A couple hours later I get an email telling me not to call again and to only communicate with her thru email. She was upset that I had called her when she was preparing to go to church and worship God. She said my phone call was unnecessary.

  Unnecessary

  I hate that word. It described what I have become to her. It negates 18+ years of relationship we have had. It peals off the skin of hope that I had and tosses it away.

  She seems to be riding the bitterness horse quite hard. He is the easiest horse to ride and he seems to outlive all other horses. He is a stud and procreates like a damn bunny. Bitterness is always a contender.

  Many have gone thru painful divorces before me. That comforts me is some bizarre way. I see these people, they seem happy, and that gives me hope. The ones who have blossomed into loving people really draw me out. I think I can make it.

  I steady my horse. We enter the starting blocks. The powerful horse trembles and quakes in anticipation of the gates opening. Steam rises from his mighty nostrils.

My horses name you ask? Humility, Fear, Anticipation, Hope, Gratitude, Concern, Clamor....... He goes by many names. Today I'm gonna ride Honorably.