Survivor or victim

  Children of holocaust survivers were polled and asked how they felt about the trauma their parents went thru. The result of this was shocking!

  Those parents who described how they survived, the circumstances that caused them to make it, and those things that helped, their children had great empathy for what they went thru.

  Those parents who described how they were abused, the hardships they endured, and how they felt victimized, their children felt substantially less empathy.

  I take this to mean, if we share how we struggle, if we display our hurts and what we are doing to overcome them, people will more naturally want to care about us. If we show ourselves as victims only, people will have a difficult time relating to us.

  Why do I find this helpful? I want others to care about the hard things I face! Who doesn't? But, if all I do is complain those same people won't care as much. This is just reality. Sounds heartless and cruel, but its true.

  In recovery we have a saying, "Live in the solution". If we focus on only our problems, rejecting sound advice, who wants to be around us? 

  So, speak about our hurts and worries, talk about painful things. But don't forget to include the bit about how God is our rescuer. And if we do forget, don't poo-poo the fellow who steers the conversation back to recovery with God. 

  Lemme give an example from my life.

  I was a blackout drunk. Things I did were deplorable and hideous. I hurt many people deeply. When I first got sober I would say things like, "Why is this happening? I didn't mean to do it!". Naturally most people were not very empathetic.

  Today I tell what horrible things I did, what I am doing in recovery, and how God is working on me. Now I find people showing me empathy.

  I didn't change my approach to garner their good will. I just view what happened differently, so I talk about it differently. Instead of being a victim of blackouts, I am a sober/recovering scuzbucket who used to drown my sorry butt in alcohol and drugs. People relate better!

  What's it gonna be? Victim or survivor?