Normality

  I am completely convinced that I am unable to attain or grasp normality. Or maybe that's the most normal thought I have ever had. 

  Is it normal for someone who hurts his family to feel sorrow when he can't talk to them?

  Alcoholism isn't normal. Addiction isn't normal. I guess recovery isn't normal then either.

  The disease model of alcoholism seems normal until you apply it to recovery. A cancer victim goes to war with his disease and the family hopes for the best recovery so they can have more time with him.

  To the man suffering from addiction this scenario doesn't play out the same. His disease has harmed his family emotionally and often physically. His family desires his recovery but they can injure themselves by helping or being involved. Sometimes separating is the right thing to do.

  Easy? Yeah right.

  I live in this separated world. I have found God. I have found sobriety. I have found untold grief and sorrow. I have a map to finding peace....I think I even have a ticket to getting there :)

  But is this all normal?

  This can't be normal. But it doesn't seem strange. It just is.

  I gotta stop trying to figure out what I should feel and just feel whatever I am feeling. I think I feel lonely.