Dilemma

  My recovery friends have helped out in the most amazing ways. Yesterday felt like my world had ended, today I begin with a new hope.

  I was presented with a dilemma. I could continue to pine away for my ex, hoping that she would wake up, or simply accept and move on.

  She appears to be entering into a destructive relationship that has plenty of landmines. It has the appearance of how our relationship had started. The trouble is, it often takes years for the problems to surface and become painful enough to address. Even if they do develop there would be no guarantee of her suddenly wanting me back, or even entertaining the idea.

  The fellow she has chosen was a leader in the church. Six months ago he stepped down and filed for divorce. His divorce is still pending. My ex's divorce isn't final yet either.

  I can see how these two hurting people could think that they will help each other out. They will be trying hard and putting their best foot forward. There is always a slight chance that it could work, but without healing its hard to see how.

  I believe the path to recovery involves investment, time, and rigorous honesty. I am not good at any of them, but I am doing it. Its not apparent that these two have done the heavy lifting.

  Goodbye my sweetie. I will be writing an obituary of our marriage. I will always cherish our memories. I won't always be bitter. I have no idea if my future has a new love for me, but I am certain our love won't reignite. I will weep and mourn. I will press into the feeling and do my best to not suppress them. You would be proud of who I have become. I will still love you, but it won't be the same kind of love. The years of confusion and pain are closing, I hope you will emerge happy. I hope you don't get hurt again.