Recently I asked my wife to set aside things for me that have memories attached to them. She and I are knocking on the door of divorce and I would like to retain those items. What do I want them for?
I get daily emails from Divorce Care and I got one a couple of days ago that really nailed this subject. It spoke of looking memories squarely in the eye and grieving them. Let the full power of pain wash over you. Hell no!!!! Right?! That's like going to a doctor for a broken leg and having them kick you in the avocados!
OK, I get it. I must embrace the loss. I must process and not bury. I gotta go to Big 5 and buy a cup.
Right now I picture having a box full of memories; Memories of our marriage, memories of birthdays and anniversaries, vacations.....you get the idea. I dread looking into that box. How can I do that and not weep? Maybe that's the point. When I am healed I can. It seems so impossible.
What will happen when I process the pain and I can look back fondly at those memories without being sad?
Impossible
Sadness and aversion to sadness are part of your experience, and you describe your feelings bravely and well. What to do with symbols and reminders of loss? How to honor the place in our history and hearts that these things represent without causing ourselves ongoing pain? A dilemma.
ReplyDeleteI am amazed how comforting it is to have other people who recognize the issue. Trite answers and cliché sayings seem to be the order of the day for most. Thank you Aaron for your acknowledgement of the heaviness of the issue.
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