Seems that every time I interact with my ex I am in store for intense dreams that evening. The dreams always revolve around her leaving, my disbelief, an explanation of repentance, and a discussion about recovery. Last night was no different.
She sent me an email, all she wanted was for me to start writing her checks in her maiden name. Didn't really phase me. Tho I did wonder how long until that changes again.
Its the dreams I have afterwards that cause me to marvel. I figure that my subconscious mind is forging new connections. That's good! But the dreams are sad. I am left feeling unloved and unforgivable.
It takes me a while to clear my mind in the morning. Feeling loved and lovable doesn't come cheaply. While many have chosen to love me in spite of my dark past, she could not.
I think the dreams could offer up an indication of my healing. When the dreams stop the healing is completed. Sounds good to me! Its not very scientific and it likely isn't true, but when those dreams stop, my heart will finally be comforted entirely.
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