18 years

  My last anniversary with my wife has come and gone. Yesterday marked 18 years of marriage. Soon she will be my former wife. The ex. The one who got away. A woman I used to know.

  She sent me an email complaining that I had not started paying for my life insurance. I had forgotten to switch over that bill. She took care of the bills and I never quite had the knack for them. So, when I took mine over, I was an emotional wreck and I forgot one. Simple mistake.

  She also complained that I had put my car insurance on her credit card. Mind you, I am an authorized user and had a card. Regardless, I did it....and I meant to! I also went bowling and put that on her card! She didn't mention the bowling.

  I charged her card in a deliberate act of rebellion. I knew she would complain and I wanted her to! I paid her back for the charges and told her that I wanted to be an asshole for a day. Better than a bitch for life! Ha! I didn't say that bitch part to her, but oh boy did I want to!

  It disturbs me, this divorce stuff. I am being forced into a situation where I will no longer have feelings for the most important person in my life. As my fondness of her subsides, I worry that I will become bitter.

  Speaking of bitter...the Jews have a thing on passover where they eat bitter herbs to remind them of the years in Egypt. In my own twist on this, I think that I will .... Wow, just went morbid there. Really??!!! I was gonna set up a time annually to remember those years.

  Here is one of my more demented ideas about ways to remember. An annual ceremonial hanging of the stuffed animal frog that she bought me. (She thought it was cute and that someday I might be a prince). I could read the letters she wrote me of love and hope, while the frog gets its neck stretched. Eating those "bitter herbs" would be great. Morbid.

  Maybe I torch the damn frog. Put some sappy music under me reading her love letters. Film the whole thing and send her a tape. How do you like me now witch!

  I dunno folks. Divorce is brutal, dark thoughts come, I am comfortable with that. Seeking solace in the knowledge that this too shall pass. Like eating too much cheese, its painful but it passes.