I wrote that last post while sitting waiting for my truck to be unloaded. Its a great time for listening to podcasts, reading, playing video games, or catching up on my favorite TV shows. Occasionally I write.
I wrote about Peter because he is a Bible character I can kinda understand. His years of faithfulness to the cause were almost wiped out in one night. His anger and resentment weren't hidden away like it was some shameful thing. He was unfaithful to a faithful God.
I struggle with unfaithfulness. Whether it be God, family, or friends, I don't find within myself the ability to stay true. I rebel, push back, or don't engage. Its like I have the unique ability to destroy the very things I like.
Things were going well for me. I figured out how to be productive at work, people at church thought I was important, even my wife was modestly happy. Inside me was a sea of uncertainty. I was a seven year old stuck in a thirty year olds body, and I could pretend well.
Life became a blur of work, church, and drinking. When not working I would fret about the jobs I had left to finish, when working I would think about booze, and when boozing I would think about religion. Not all the time, mind you, just when I was feeling powerful.
Church became about acting just right. Be the guy who greets people, be the one who helps them move, visit the infirmed, pretend to care. I read the Bible just to hone my skills as an orator. I listened to sermons to memorize the cadence and style of good preaching. I learned about dispensations, theology, Christology, Calvin's T.U.L.I.P., eschatology, etc... I struck out, not to deepen my understanding of God, rather I struck out in quest of strength.
The strength I sought was in reputation. I could converse with the heavy weights. Most average church goers had limited knowledge of the scholarly works, and if i had the knowledge, I could appear like a good man.
It troubled me that my wife knew the truth. She put on a good face and pretended that I was what I appeared. Years of pretending has taken its toll.
Maybe this is why Peter blows my mind. He was just a fisherdude. He had no agenda to fill, no church to impress, he just met a man that would radically change his life. Peter stumbled into history being himself.
That is what I seek to do.
I must give honor to my beliefs. Yet, I must recognize my inability to follow my beliefs. Proclaiming the truth and obeying the truth aren't so easy to do.
The truth is that Jesus paid my debt. I had been taught for years that once I accepted his payment it was my duty to stay debt free. That is a fallacy. It smells like smoke! If I am relying upon myself to rescue myself, from even my future actions, I am trampling on the debt that was paid.
Sorry to get all preachy. I feel like Paul when he said that within himself he finds no ability to do the good he wants to do. That's why the gospel is such good news. It removes the burden from the drowning man and places it on the lifeguard.
I heard a good story that if you see a big fella thrashing about and drowning, the safest thing to do is to wait until he is almost going under, then rescue him. To do so sooner would jeopardize both your lives. That's what God did with me! I hated it! But I'm glad he rescued me!
Back to Peter. Here was a guy with issues loved by someone who knew those very issues. Every mistake, every lie, every bit of cowardice, it was all understood before hand....and he was still loved. I am still loved.
Folks, its a cruel world. Its important to be kind and be aware of others hurts and misfortunes. It matters that we champion human rights. Root for the underdog!
Belief matters also. I am not postmodern in the slightest. Jesus said what he said and I believe him. Either he was right or he wasn't. Either my beliefs are correct or I am wrong. Regardless, it is my duty and honor to love others.
Have a happy Easter folks. Remember, nobody ever became a Christian because you complained that they only come to church on Christmas and Easter. Huzzah!
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