Death and forgiveness

  Being given the gift of sobriety has many wonderful blessing, and some pain I would rather not have. Becoming "there" emotionally can be tough at times. Right now I am feeling the pain of having lived a life filled with bitterness.

  My wifes grandpa, John Davis Sr., just passed away. In years past we never visited the man. I never introduced him to his great-grandchildren. I thought I had good reasons for staying away. Today I realise I was just being a jerk. There is no valid reason for what I did. 

  I have lived a life without compassion. Sympathy, empathy, and gentleness were all words to ignore. Judgementalism and a condemning spirit were my creed.

  One day God pulled at me and drew me out of the cesspool of my own sins. My sins were horrible (they still are). I am completely amazed that God could forgive me. He paid a terrible price for my sins.

  I wish I could time travel and not be that hurtful man.

  My failure as a father and grandson-in-law is on display. I tears me apart to not have the opportunity to love John Davis Sr. in this life. I squandered my chance.

  Some sweet day I will meet this man. Neither of us will have any sin on us. Praise God! Jesus will have brought us to heaven and there will be wonderful reunions. I never met him, so I guess it will be a glorious union!

  At the end of the Lords Prayer it says, "Forgive us as we forgive others". I failed miserably to forgive much of anyone, ever. So let me finish up with a verse that speaks about how I should forgive as a Christian.

  Ephesians 4:31-32
  "Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."

  Oh dear friend, what a marvelous gift of forgiveness Christ offers. How is it that I spent so long refusing to grant that same gift to others? With God's grace, I hope to never be the same again.

  To those that I hurt by my actions,  I am sorry, I was wrong for not visiting Grandpa John Davis Sr.  I chose to satisfy my own desires and I wasn't a godly man.