My biggest week

  Life for me will be changing this week in a very big way. Thusrday will be the culmination of events that I caused. I enter this week with fear, hope, and faith.

  Why, if I trust God implicitly with my life, would I have fear in my list? Just because I trust God completely, and I do, doesn't mean my mind doesn't explore the negative side of things. I "turn my thoughts over", yet those thoughts still happen.

  I choose to be vague about what might be happening.  There is only so much I am willing to disclose in a public forum. Those I have hurt in my life have the right to share how they were hurt publicly, I don't.

  That being said, let me chronicle a little of what has changed already I'm my life: July 5th of 2010 I drank my last drink of alcohol, August of 2010 I devoted/recommited my life to God in Christ, October of 2010 I gave God my sexuality (no sex with anyone, including myself, other than my wife), and I have been daily praying and reading my bible since October of 2010. The list could be populated with many smaller victories, such as the day I shared all my moral shortcomings with someone else, but those smaller stories would take a book to write down.

  Recovery has been a long and painful path. There has never been, nor will there ever be, a day when it has reached culmination. Even so, there has been many days of "reaching the mountain tops of faith". I love those days!

  I have many new friends. God has become tangible and accessible. My relationship with my parents and sister has been restored. I have a great new Pastor who knows me and still loves me. I have a support group who calls me on my bull fertilizer. I listen to my wife. I "walk" with a purpose. Incapacitating fear hasn't happened in a long time.

  My life has many more obstacles to overcome. God's grace is sufficient to carry me through. On good days and hard days God has never failed me. It is just so hard not to forget that He is in charge, when the enemy keeps shooting flaming arrows.

  So this Thursday will mark another day in my recovery. There are many such days that have passed, and many more to come. I just show up every time, hoping and trusting in God.

  Thank you for supporting me. To those who have read and commented on this blog, I thank you so much. You have been a valuable resource in my life.