Another fire

  I wrote about a house fire a couple of months ago. In the middle of the night I had come across a house that was just starting to burn. At that moment I decided I would help and was willing to go into the house if needed. Thankfully going in wasn't needed.

  Last night I was driving on a remote highway and saw some flashing lights just over the next hill. I had been seeing lightning flashing to the east and I assumed that was what I was seeing up ahead. Then I noticed a steady glow and flashing. Now I began to think there was a forest fire that had started from lightning. Strange thing was that the flashes kept coming. It was as if electricity was sparking but I could see no lightning.
  I was very close now. I started checking mile markers so I could call the fire department and give them an exact location. A car passing the other way was flashing their lights. The glow is becoming really big. Then I rounded the corner. 

   A tanker truck had driven off the road and was completely engulfed in flames. Huge billowing flames. Nobody was around. I parked on the road and tried to figure out what to do. Immediately there was a large explosion. My truck rocked a little, I felt the heat through the windows, and I came to the conclusion there was nothing I could do. I felt unsafe even being in my truck. 

  I drove until I got cell service (about a mile down the road). The 911 operator had gotten a call already but had no idea where the fire was at. I gave her the info. She asked what the four numbers on the truck were. I never even thought to check the hazmat numbers on the truck. Those four numbers would have been good to have. She said the fire deptartment was on the way and thanked me for calling.

  I never got out of my truck back at the scene. I surveyed the wreck and knew I couldn't get anywhere near it. I wish I had gotten out and tried.

  What if the driver had gotten out and was very hurt but okay? What if I could have helped? I can't remember seeing the cab through all the flame, maybe it was being the fire but not yet burned. What if the time it took emergency personnel to get there could have been the drivers last chance to survive? Maybe I was his only hope.

  I don't think there was anyway I could have gotten close to the wreck. I was 50 yards away, in my truck, and the heat was intense. Yet I am second guessing myself. I am somewhat defeated. Why didn't I get out and look? It was so scary when that explosion happened. I just grabbed gears and got out of there. I hope I did the right thing. I feel like a coward. If there was something I could have done, I failed. 

  I have asked God to help me be a hero. Not just in scenes like this but in every aspect of my life. I don't want to second guess anything. I want to be courageous. I want to be strong. At this moment I don't.

  I am going to check and see if there is a news story about it. I want to know what happened. I hope the driver was ok. If not, I hope my choices wouldn't have made a difference. I feel bad for even thinking this way. Why am I so messed up? I will write more when I find out.