Front beer

  Here is a glimpse into insanity. A relative of mine used to go a buy a six pack of beer and it would last him days or even weeks. Crazy huh?!

  Ok, that's not really the crazy part, this is. I thought he drank like I did, as much as you can as often as you can. I figured that he had found a way how not to show it to others. See, I thought, he would buy a six pack and put it in the fridge and use it to hide his true drinking. Put the alcohol you drink elsewhere and put a six pack of "front beer" on the shelf. Everyone would think you seldom drank! Brilliant!

  Naturally I began to discover that he really didn't drink much. The poor man suffered from a condition of not truly enjoying alcohol to all its glorious potential. Thinking about drinking a beer or two and being like, "Whoa, I think I can feel something, I better stop!"  What a miserable way to drink! The feeling IS the fun!

  Well, I never figured out how to "front" my booze. The stuff was magical, it always vanished. Imagine my horror to discover that normal people don't enjoy blasting brain cells all the time. It was not an act of will power that kept them from drinking like I did, they were just wired funny. My wiring doesn't allow for casual drinking, its all or nothing. I chose nothing. 

  Now I just have to figure out how people put a snack food "front" up.