In my recovery I am currently at the step that "suggests" I make amends. Heck, its only a suggestion if I want a better life. If not, don't follow the suggestion. Simple!
Yesterday I started the process of making amends. I had the opportunity, and took it, to see my sister. It had been at least nine years since we had spoken. It wasn't that we had a huge falling out, but rather, we grew apart.
As my alcoholism progressed my sister began hearing more and more about my failures. Huge failures. These horrible things I had done undoubtedly caused her much anger and grief.
Part of my recovery depends upon trying to right the wrongs I have done. This is scary as hell. I am full of fear and anxiety just thinking about it.
My sister helped calm my anxiety. When I walked into the room she held out her hand for me to hold onto. I took her hand and we started talking. She told me she loved me and forgave me. I asked if there were things I could do to remedy the past. Her reply was that I could write and call. Basically she wants a genuine brother.
I was put at ease by my sister. It makes me want to get more amends out off the way. One by one, as I see people in person, I must start. Hopefully those meetings can be as glorious.
I am certain all meetings won't go as smoothly. There will be people who can not or will not offer forgiveness. My job is only being sincere and doing my best.
With God leading the way my trepidation has subsided. I am comfortable knowing that I am pleasing to my creator. I am positive that He was satisfied with me yesterday. Being found in Him is truly the greatest gift of all.
So, for the first time in over nine years, I went to sleep and woke up with a relationship with my sister. Can you imagine?
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