Grandpa

  Here is a curious fact about me. I never knew my grandpas. If you were to place them in a line up and ask me to point them out, I couldn't do it.

  My grandpa on my dads side was quite a talker. I have a single memory of him, just one, and in it he talked a bunch. We were at my uncles house and grandpa started to talk. I went out to the garage for a while to pretend to ride the motorcycles. After an hour or so I went back inside and he was still blathering. As far as I can tell his favorite hobby was to blather. This is a man who talked a lot about nothing important and was enthusiastic to share it with all. The sad thing was that he actually did have an interesting life, he was just to disfunctional to know how to share it. 

  My other grandpa was a complete unknown to me. He was an abusive parent and never repented. Shameful. Another selfish person who missed Gods will. He won't be remembered by me. 

  I wish I had a normal grandpa. One that took me fishing, working on cars, painting, kite flying, walking, shopping, hunting, etc... I wish we could have sat down on the porch, talked and enjoyed some iced tea.

  I hear about peoples relationships with their grandpas and I get sad. My heart breaks for the way mine screwed up. It should have been different. They could have tried to be better. They chose not caring. They were blind to greater things. 

  Here are some things that a grandpa should know. Perhaps a couple of questions just to get the point across. Think of anybody who you should be close with. Warning, these questions have a bite. You should be able to answer these easily about those you love. 

Grandpa:
What is my middle name?
When is my birthday?
What is my favorite color?
Have you been shopping and saw something you knew I would love?
Did you buy it?
Do you know my favorite hobby?
What is my favorite flavor of ice cream?
What is my favorite sport?
Have I ever been to see my favorite sport?
With you?
What is my favorite restaurant?
How much candy can I eat without getting sick?
What is my favorite movie?
Can you imitate funny scenes from those movies?
What is my pets name?
Do I like to play catch?
Do we have porch time?

  Those questions could go on forever. I am sure you can think of many more personal things that can be asked.

  How did you do grandpa?  Mine failed every question. Every stinking one. They simply never knew me. I would be shocked if they even knew the most simple things about me, like my middle name. Disgusting. Go ahead grandpa, name all your grandkids middle names.

  How about you dear friend? You got some people you should be close with? Grandkids, sons, daughters? How do you think these relationship can grow if you don't know these simple things?

  This line of thinking is plain hard. I want to give the one finger salute to my grandpas for the job they did. If they had anything important to pass on, it never happened.

  All the years of wisdom my dads dad had acquired meant nothing to me. The last time I saw him, he was in a cardboard box on my dads dresser waiting to be scattered somewhere. I don't know where he would have wanted to be scattered. I don't even know how old he was or how he died. As far as I know, he is still in that box. Did I mention that I didn't know him?

  My moms dad is alive somewhere. I don't even know the state. He may have remorse about somethings in his past. If he does it sure doesn't show. He will likely pass on someday and I might not even find out. What's really pathetic is that I don't even know his first name.

  So listen real close my friend, you should know everything there is to know about your family. No exceptions. You weren't put in their lives to be selfish. No matter who they are or what they do, they need someone to care. That someone is you. 

  What about God? How does he fit in? Well, if you expect them to listen to you talk about how much God loves them, you had better be demonstrating that same love. God loved you while you were His enemy. Yet you have a difficult time loving those who are your family.

  I stand convicted in my own life. I may never fix all my mess. I have a great desire to know those I love. I don't want to have someone write something like this about me. Oh please don't let me continue this legacy of garbage. It is way too important.  

A wind of change

  Today while driving I encountered huge swings in the weather. It started out mild and 63. I cruised into San Diego at it had rose to 67. I got my load and headed north on I-5. After passing through LA and up over the grapevine, the temp shot up to the low 90s. It hovered in the 90s eventually hitting 97.

  As I was driving I noticed some clouds up ahead. They were those high up clouds, just dense enough to give shade. When I got to the clouds, my left arm was so grateful for the shade (it spends a lot of time tanning).

  I was busy enjoying the clouds and wondering if I had somehow caught a break from the hot evening I was expecting. Some clouds were turning into thunderstormy type clouds. The temp was in the high 80s. Oh boy! Maybe I am driving into a weather front and cooler air is just ahead.

  A blast of wind almost blew a uhaul into my lane. It wasn't a terrific wind, he just wasn't prepared. This wind was a sign that I was going to be right about cooler weather. The temp had plunged into the low 70s.

  Then the rain came. It came in lacking ambition but quickly matured into a nice blatter. Temp? 63. Woohoo!

  I continued driving in the wind and rain. I had hopes of making it to the "dog food" drop yard. I made it.

  So here I am. The rain is pleasant. The wind has calmed. The dog food plant doesn't even have any aroma! The temp is still in the low 60s. Truly a nice evening for a trucker.

  Spiritual note:
  I wish I was comforted when I see a spiritual storm coming. I was comforted today because I knew the outcome. I had hope that the change would be good.
 
  In my walk with Jesus today, I am in a storm. Rain, wind, and unprepared people surround me. The Holy Spirit encourages me to press on. My friends help me to stay the course. 

  I am heartbroken when I see others hit a storm. I wonder if they are crying out to God as I have. Are they frightened? Do they have hope? Are the prepared for those side winds?

  Todays weather caused hope for me. Do I have enough faith in God to have the same hope in spiritual storms? Has His love for me taken root enough in my heart so that no storm will frighten me.

God made rainbows so men wouldn't get freaked out when another storm came. I love rainbows. I have never once thought God was destroying the earth by flood again. God doesn't want to destroy me in my spiritual storm. His word and His people have become my spiritual rainbow.     

Friends

  Friends are a great find when trying to seek God.

  They share their hurts, pains, desires, ambitions and dreams. To put it another way, they share their "Experience, strength, and hope".

  They have utmost value in my daily walk. Sometimes they lift me up. Sometimes I lift them up. If I need hope they lend it to me. If I need humility they demonstrate it.

  May God always be thanked for putting friends in my life. He has blessed me greatly. May I serve Him by being a friend to someone today. I can do this by introducing them to the saviour or (if they know Him) encouraging them in their walk.

  I should never complain about the world and its problems if I am not helping to be a friend. It is futile to complain when I, myself, am failing God. 

Jesus calls me His friend. Am I being His best friend?

Roach coach

  I love LA! We love it!
  Sing along if you remember the song!

  The mobile catering buisness is alive and well down here. You can get very good cooking for about 4 bucks. If you wrap it in a tortilla, you can get it from the roach coach. And I love it!

  Today I got a chorizo, eggs, and cheese burrito for 4 dollars. It was huge and awesome. They had lots of other choices but that was the one I went for.

  The only issue I have is, I sometimes think that I am somehow missing out on something. Like all the other guys ordering somehow know exactly what should be ordered to optimize their money. They keep the good stuff hidden from me, like they always do. 

  I decided to abandon my fears and just ask. The short order cook didn't understand english but the guy ordering next to me did and he helped. He explained what they had and how to order it. He was so helpful.

  I always have struggled with a feeling of not being a part of. Today I had victory because I stepped out. I gained a better understanding and a great burrito. Turns out, my paranoia is unfounded, the roach coaches aren't conspiring against me. 

Heartburn

  I have always had an iron stomach (the inside). I can just about eat anything and not have an upset tummy. Today, however, was a day that was different.

  It started last night. I ate a tv dinner (lasagne) and had a bowl of Cap'n crunch for dessert. Somewhere in the night I got that sour feeling.

  This morning I made a couple of bean and cheese burritos. Jalapeno beans and Tapatio hot sauce! Somehow my sore tummy continued. I even drank day old coffee and it didn't help!

  I thought about getting a biscuit for lunch. When I stopped for fuel I went in to use the facilities. I forgot about the biscuit I was going to buy. I left with an extra long, jamacian jerk flavored, slim jim. Aww yeahhh!

  My sore tummy was in heaven! No really, I was worried the slim jim was gonna hurt but it didn't!

  We will see about dinner. They have two huge sliced of extra greasy pizza for 5 bucks at the truck stop I am at. Oh, I hope I survive!

  I tend to swim against the current. When most people seek tums and peaceful food, I go the opposite way. It has worked so far. Perhaps someday I will regret this choice. Not today! Woohoo!

Update (3 hours later):
  I seem to have survived. My stomach is busy exercising its pressure relief mechanism. And my olfactory organ seems to be struggling. All in all, very good pizza!

Little quirks

    Today, I listened to a Wretched Radio podcast from a while ago. Todd explained how he needed to scratch his other foot, if his first foot had been scratched. Just to balance them out.

  I am the same way. Heck, my feet itch just thinking about the problem. I have to have my feet equally annoyed. Guess that explains the earlier "socks" blog.

  This is only one of many quirks in my life. In some ways I can get a little obsessive. In fact, I can obsess over watching other peoples obsessions! 

  I have a brother in law who is obsessive about cleaning stuff (mostly cars). I watched him carry this passion to remarkable lengths. Yet, I witnessed him graciously handle his kids when they scratched the paint. It was an incredible show of love. 

  My Dad doesn't eat leftovers. Never has, so far as I can remember. Yet, sometimes there would be leftover pizza sitting on the stove and he would pick at all the toppings, the next day! I used to pick on him a little about this. He would smile, shrug his shoulders, and get back to picking.

  We all have quirks. Some are annoying. Some are cute. Some are endearing. Some are funky.

  I love quirks. Those little things that aren't right or wrong, just quirky.

  My great grandma used to have a quirky way of talking. She used to tell us how wonderful getting old is. She said that the older she got the easier making an after dinner snack was. She would just cough up a little dinner, chew a bit, swallow, and snack time was finished. I was freaked out! I was so worried that I would see her do it!

  Did she really have reconstituted snacks? Or was she having a little fun at my expense? I don't have any idea. She was quirky and I loved it.

  My bride sneezes whenever she takes Robitusin DM. It happens every time. Its a cute quirk. One of my quirks was to try and tickle her at the right time so she wouldn't sneeze. Another quirk she had was getting upset at me about stuck sneezes.

  Quirks. We all have them. Relax and enjoy them. They are yet another thing that can grow people together.    

 

 

KJV only

  My heart breaks over the King James bible. For years I have believed it was the only true version of God's word. This caused me to dismiss the faith of others when they used a different version.

  Meanwhile, back at the lair, I was still holding onto grievous sins. I had the correct bible but did not have the correct life.

  One day God slapped me down from my perch and placed in me a desire to live faithfully. I scoured the landscape for guidance, support, and love. I found what I had desired. There are many christian men who had fallen into the same sins and discovered a way out.

  The problem was, they used different bibles. The curious thing is what God had told me. He said to me, "I have help for you, you must give up the King James fight".

  To a KJV only person, that last statement is heresy. But I had heard God tell me, very plainly, what I needed to do. So, what was I to do? Easy, I followed God.

  I discovered a vast wealth of knowledge and love I had previously been deprived of. I returned back to the faith of my youth. I stopped being childish and became childlike in my faith.

  When I was a child we had these bibles called "Good news for modern man". They were gold colored and had pictures of people on the front. I always remember looking at them and liking the people so much. I would sometimes open the book to read about the people, but the book did not have their stories. Or so I thought.

  I had no one to study it with. My parents were christians but were struggling in their own lives. I want to believe that they read it with me, but I can not remember.

  I have a cynical attitude about KJV only people now. I have acquired great amounts of love and growth, in myself, by seeking help from those who have no such issue.

  I made a valuable discovery. I think the KJV is the best. I think KJV only people are often the worst. I have observed that all recovery material, that can be found, is written using other versions. This disturbs me.

  What I have found is that KJV only people are very closed lipped about their own struggles. They lack the ability to share how they gained freedom. They would rather preach some verse than teach from their life. And if you disagree with them, they claim you are not as faithful to the book as they are.

  I do not like painting with such a broad brush. I am sure that there are KJV only dudes that are open with their lives. I have not found one. No not one. If you are reading this, it means you as well. Got it?

  Paul admitted to all the horrible stuff he did. Peter did not hide his abandonment of Jesus. James never hid his legalism. Yet, todays towering men of "the book" hide the past. Cowards.

  As you may have noticed, I have not attacked the KJV. I merely have found lots of strength from those who use other translations. I use the strength of those others to help me grow.

  I am ashamed at how I handled Gods word. I used it as a weapon against other believers. God expressly forbids attacking fellow believers. The devil has that job, he needs no help.

  If I was worried about the accuracy of what I am being taught, that would be one thing. I have not found anything worth my worry.

  Let me say something tough. Those who battle over a translation have become wimpering little babies to me. They bristle over the tiniest things. They swallow the camel of pride while straining at the gnat of versions.

  Don't mistake me please. I am hacked off at myself for all the crap I have done. I flew the KJV banner high while taking a dump on my life. I am no shining example. I readily will share my faults. One of them was thinking that people who use others translations are not serving God as good as they could.

  They were serving God a far sight better than I was!

  I was just thinking about the brazen serpent that Moses used. It was a miracle that the people were healed. The people then decided to worship the brazen serpent. Same is true for the bible. Have you been healed? If yes, are you worshipping the brazen serpent bible? If no, don't concern yourself with what bible to use, use one. God will bless you if you worship Him.

  Wow! Gotta end this blog. It is getting a little long. Perhaps someday I will write a part two. Hey, don't look so sad about it! Maybe I won't!

The second sock

  Have you ever walked a little distance to have a shower? Perhaps you are at a camp or, like me, a truck stop. Did you ever finish that refreshing shower only to discover you only put one clean sock in your bag?

  Clean feet and a dirty sock. So what do you do? Do you put the clean one on and replace the other one as soon as possible? Or do you go all the way and put both dirty ones on until you can get both replaced?

  There is nothing like the feeling of being clean and putting on dirty, crusty, sticky, and smelly old socks.

  Out of sheer laziness I stopped matching up my clean socks. I would dump them all in a box and fish out a clean pair when I needed. I forget to grab sock number two sometimes and I don't pair them up for ease of use.
  You would think I would get better at making sure I had that infamous second sock. Or perhaps I would start matching them up when I wash them. Fat chance!

  I have a profound difficulty remembering to not be lazy. I am sure that one of these days I will be more diligent when doing laundry.

  For me, I put both dirty socks on. It's nasty! I walk back to my truck and swap out.

  I suppose this could be a metaphor for walking with the Lord. He cleaned me perfectly at salvation then I proceeded to put back on the filthy rags of my own righteousness. Whoa! That's deep stuff!

  By the way, I am just remembering what happens sometimes when I shower. I had a clean pair this time!
No really, I did!

Blown Radiator hose

  The pleasure of unexpected things! The calvary is working on my truck as I type. I wasn't planning on this. Guess God is correct when He tells me that I shouldn't worry. I only have right now. Just do my best!

  The thing is, I like to worry. It makes me feel like I am helping God. If He doesn't see me worrying, how will He know what is important? He needs my help! Sometimes I think my thinker has blown a radiator hose. Where is the calvary for that?!

 

Crazies, Scoffers, and Prophecy

Fathers day

Here's a video that explains a lot about how men view fathers day. The sound is a bit rough but the message is right.

  I think that we men hate talking about feelings or our past. We would rather not dredge up tough times. If another man tries to share we throw stuff at him. At least that's the thing I thought about while watching the video.

  There could be other ways of explaining the video. I just thought it was a funny parody of real life when men try to share with other men. Ahh, the joys of manhood.

  Whatever you think about the video, I hope you found some humor in it.

  How do we expect others to grow if we remain silent? Its like we tell men that God can heal them, but we think God wants us to hide our past. Absolute buffoonery! Just like the video. Enjoy!

 

Fear

  Fear is a huge obstacle for some. For me, fear is a gnawing hampster. I am not paralyzed by fear, but at times I feel great pain because of it. The hampster sure has sharp teeth!

  The Bible teaches that perfect love casts out fear. I am also aware that the Bible teaches we are to fear the Lord. How do these things work? Slowly I am gaining an understanding of love and fear.  

  A famous fear quote is, "The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself". What moron thought that up. It doesn't make any sense. I have never been afraid of fear. Some cliches are meaningless and dumb. This is one for the record books.

  When I was in school I asked a teacher what that quote meant. After much obfuscation and declarification, I concluded that they really didn't know. They sure felt passionate about it. Remarkable.

  Surprise, I have fears about stuff other than fear! I don't know how not too. I don't like fear. I wish I didn't have any fears.

  The only thing I have to fear, is fearing things. Oh boy, this is fun! Who thinks this stuff up?

  What about you? Ever have fears? Have you shared those fears with anyone? Did that help? Did learning how to give and receive love quiet the fears? Ever feel like you didn't deserve to be loved?

  I think fear can be healthy when handled correctly. When I give those fears to God and share them with someone, I get to grow because of them. They share some love with me and that fear goes away.

  Fear has always been in my life. I never learned how to deal with it. Alcohol worked. It worked great! No fear, just sweet oblivion. Now that it failed me, I get to learn how to feel fear properly.

  I am so thankful for the many people God has put in my life. As they share about what they feared I get a picture of how God can help my fears. As I accept their love I am beginning to be set free. 
 
  Science may one day make a pill that takes away alcoholism and fear. I wonder what two pills would do? 

Judging intent

  My mom told me a saying, "I expect others to judge me by my intent, while I judge others by their actions".

  This is a proven concept in my life. Often I find it difficult to try and establish someones intent. Can God make it easier? Do I love them inspite of their actions?

  Perhaps that is why the Bible is so clear on the subject:

1Cor 13:4-6
  Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up
  Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil
  Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth

  Charity means love. But it implies a certain kind of love. A giving love. A love that has action. A love that is kind.  

  Think about the phrase, "Thinketh no evil". This sounds like intent to me. We are to love without thinking evil. Sounds easy enough.

  I am sure that most peoples intents are good. It is seldom that someone trying to damage others. Most of us just try to live and we screw up along the way. Even when we intentionaly sin, we often don't intend to hurt others when sinning.

  By allowing someone to mess up, yet still thinking no evil, we default back to proper love. Think about it. We can give grace in the midst of the worst things happening. We simply infer upon someone good intent. We cannot see the intent, but we must assume the best. 
  For instance. My childhood and teenage years were filled with turmoil. My parents divorced and remarried, fought addictions, had poor communiations and so much more. My parents were messed up in many ways. 
  I could harbor resentments at those things. Sometimes I do. But I know that my parents wanted to give good things. It was their intent to be great parents. Despite their failures, I know they intended success. 

  By looking at intent, I gain freedom. I allow for mistakes and sins in others, while still loving them.

  For the most part, the only time people hack me off now, is when they have fudged up, been forgiven, then turn around and refuse to give the same grace they received to others.

  How dare they! Self-righteous judgementalists! Insensitive jerks! Hypocrites! Oops! I better stop. I sound like I am not being very graceful. Where is that love I just spoke of?

  So there it is. Have we been forgiven? Did not God look upon our hearts and see who we really are? Are we able to give the same grace as we were given?

  I hope so. We have friends and family that need that love. They are hurting. They had no intention of screwing up. They just did. Love them like you want to be loved. I am trying to do the same. Hope for the best.  

Soundtrack for life

  Lately I wish I had a soundtrack for my life. Kind of like in the movies where scenes are punctuated by songs. What would Rocky be without "Eye of the tiger"?

  I imagine what this would be like. I have theme music running in my mind constantly. And not just obvious stuff, truly odd songs sometimes.

  Like the song by Supertramp called "Godzilla". I had this running in my mind while combating traffic. Ironic? Nah, stomping on Tokyo is totally normal to think about while in LA traffic.

  How about Kajagoogoo and their song "The Never Ending story". I think about this song when I miss being young. I loved that movie! I know you are saying, who is that band and how do you say their name? I ain't even gonna try to spell it fa-net-ick-ly for you ;-).  The other song they sing is called "Too Shy" and I always think of my bride when it plays. She's kinda shyish.  

  The thought I am attempting to get across is, I like how music sets the mood. And I wish I could import it into scenes in my life.

  I guess people download huge volumes of music and play what they want on their Ipods. I like that idea but its not very likely that I will do it.

  So what happens is, I go on utube for songs that I think up and then I can rock out. I do get goofy sometimes on my picks but hey, why not?

  I don't even know the lyrics to some of the songs. Most likely they involve animal sacrifice, witchcraft or something awful. That will make me appear like a dufus devil man for liking them. 

  Ok. One more theme song. Eddie Money sings a song called "I want to go back". This song is one of those salty sad songs used on those lonely night drives when I am in an Eeyore mood. I can't tell you how many times I have played that one. Its Tiggerrific!

  I suppose this brings my idea about theme music to "The End Of The Line" - Traveling Wilburys (hah got one more in!)

  Have fun with the songs, if you look them up. I am sure you have songs that jump into your mind as well. Now you have more!
  

Learn the 10 commandments

Here's a video where you can learn the 10 commandments in about 3 minutes! 3 minutes of learning, can you imagine that!

An idea that stuck

  What do you do when you have an idea or thought that sticks in your mind? Perhaps you are trying to sleep or are working on other tasks. But you have this item on your mind and it won't let go.

  I have found that reading is a good way to change my thinking. A good book is a sure way to get better thoughts.

  Sometimes I read spiritual books and other times I read novels. Either way is sure to do the trick.

  I will read sometimes until I can't hold my eyes open. I don't retain much of what I read, when I read this way, but I go to sleep with better thoughts.

  Stinking thinking is deadly. When I am alone in my thoughts, I am with a killer. No fooling!

  God has shown me many tricks to help out my messed up mind. Just thinking my way out of it doesn't work. I must get input from other sources in order to have proper thinking.

  That reminds me. Someone once taught me about polar bears. The cute ones in the coke commercials. The way they smile is so cute. Fuzzy polar bears. Who can worry about anything, if those fellas are around?

  I put that last paragraph in to demonstrate the power of thought change. Maybe all you will remember from this blog is those cute, fuzzy, silly, coke drinking polar bears. And that would be a good thought. 

Turning water into wine

  On July 5th of 2010 I started a journey I hope will never end. It was on that day I drank, what I hope will be, my last drink.
  Here is a song that tells part of what I was going thru that day.
  God reached down and helped me. He can do the same for anyone. You are wounded, Stop fighting. He has placed triage units around to stop the bleeding. Then the Great Physician steps in and works on the healing. 
  Go to it. It only seems impossible to live without alcohol. For me, alcohol seemed like a miracle in a bottle. It was a cure all. The magic elixir. If it hadn't stopped working, I would still be drinking. If I was a normal drinker, I would drink every day!
  I know that people who haven't struggled with alcohol don't know much about it. But trust me, there are people who have a problem with alcohol who have stopped and enjoy life without it! I am one among many.
  What about this God stuff? Do you have Deophobia? God phobia? That's OK. Don't worry about it. Just cry out to God (as you understand Him). He says if you will seek Him, He will reveal himself to you. He did for me. 
  I am approaching a year of sobriety. Impossible!
 

Dog food

  Dog food can make for funny ads. But no matter what, canned dog food stinks. It is foul smelling stuff. El stinko de pukeo. (A little spanish lingo for those who se habla)

  Sometimes, I stop off in my companies drop yard in French Camp California. The yard has a very unpleasant aroma. It is located just down the street from a canned dogfood plant.

  That aroma that waffes up from that freshly opened can of doggie vittles is so special, not entirely unlike the aroma of where the drop yard is.

  If the temperature is cool, like now, I like to roll the windows down in the truck. The pleasantness ensues.

   I almost wish it were hot, so I could close the truck up and run the ac. When it is hot, the aroma has that fine aged smell. May wii (french and nintendo lingo). 

Eating dinner was never like this before! The ambiance is unlike any other. Ah, the candles, music, snobby waiters, and chit chat, really fail to do the aroma justice. 
  Smaller portions are really the order of the day. The nasal assault on the senses make the dinner oh so special. Seconds? No thanks. I really have had enough. Dessert? Does chunky monkey go with dog food? Sounds like it should! I will pass.

  Thankfully I only park here briefly tonight. I have been stuck for a day here before. Gained a lot of weight that day! Lemme tell you.

  You can recreate this dining experience on your own. A sympathy meal. Wow, that would be awesome. Disgusting but awesome! Open up some dog food and eat a store bought pot pie. Yummo! Don't forget to toss the cookies! Oops, I meant a tossed salad!

  This area should set up a weight loss clinic. All you can eat, no problem.

  How do dogs eat that stuff? They have better smellers than we do and yet they still dive in. I bet they would love it here. Drooling all over. Gross.

  Ah well, I never thought truck driving would be like this! I missed that recruiting video. Must have been getting a bite to eat when they showed that one.

Cherish

  Cherish illustrates just how messed up I can be. It seems to be good but can also be bad. It depends upon the object being cherished. 

  Let me quote Websters 1828 definition of the word:

CHERISH, v.t.
1. To treat with tenderness and affection; to give warmth, ease or comfort to. "We were gentle among you, even as a nurse cherisheth her children." 1Thess. 2 "The damsel was fair and cherished the king." 1Kings 1
2. To hold as dear; to embrace with affection; to foster, and encourage; as, to cherish the principles of virtue; to cherish religion in the heart.
3. To treat in a manner to encourage growth, by protection, aid, attendance, or supplying nourishment; as, to cherish tender plants.
4. To harbor; to indulge and encourage in the mind; as, to cherish ill will, or any evil passion.

  So it is fair to say that I have always "cherished" something. I am sad to report that I have not always cherished the correct things.

  When I misplace my cherishing, I haven't lived up to what I promised my bride or God.

  One of the traditional wedding vows calls for the newlyweds to "love and cherish" each other. So the message being told is, love is different than cherish.

  So this really messed up my understanding of cherish. I thought it was synonymous with love. Turns out, its not. The two are similar but not the same.

  Love carries with it the idea to give of self. To be selfless. To think about the other. That is why "charity" works so well in delivering the true meaning of love. It can imply other things, but selflessness tops my list when defining love. 

  Cherish carries the idea of desire. To cherish something is to desire it. To cherish your spouse is to place your desires on them. To be precise it means that your spouse is your desire. Not the things they do, but who they are.

  Of course this is within the bounds of worshiping God. Placing our love and cherishment upon the Lord is paramount. And it leads to placing those same affections upon ones spouse.

  So what's the battle here, you may be asking? Simple. I thought cherishing, in marriage, meant to share my wifes desires. Nope. It means to desire my wife.

  She should be my fantasy. She should be the one my eyes find pleasing. She is the one who I hope to win. She is to be my human point of contact for worshiping God!

  Overboard on that last one? Hardly. Think about it. God has placed in my life his daughter. He loves her so much, he died for her. She is the pinnacle of Gods creation and He entrusts her with me. Could I overstate how important it is that I cherish her? No way.

  Oh how my heart breaks when I think about this. I have failed to cherish her.

  How do I learn to cherish? It can be learned. The Bible says that I am to give of myself for my bride the way Jesus has given himself for his. Spectacular! That's the way! He desires us. Not the things we do, just us. Wow!

  So, the gift to my wife is me. Its a bit like fuzzy bunny pajamas for Christmas. Nice thought, but is it what my wife really wanted? That's the point!

  Loving her is about becoming the perfect gift. So when she gets the gift it is beyond all she could have imagined. Cherishing her is opening "her" present and having it be everything I wanted. 

  I droned on a bit. I am just now starting to understand cherishing. I am beginning to cherish things that others take for granted. Things I took for granted.

  I have many people I cherish. Have I shown them I do? Love and cherish. Giving and enjoying. Go for it!    

Confessing faults

  The Bible has a real clear message on this topic. It says in James 5:16a, "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed". In newer translations "faults" is changed to "sins". The idea is similar. We are to share those things about ourselves that are problems.

  I am at that point in my life. I have taken inventory of my moral failings and am ready to share this with a brother. God promises healing when I do this.

  So why has it been so hard to want to share these things?

  In my own life I have been extremely critical of others. Perhaps I expect the same from them. Why should I expect them to be any different than I was?

  Maybe the items are too grotesque to want to share. Ok, "maybe" isn't the right word, I definitely don't want to share about those awful things.

  Can't I just admit these things to God and have that be enough? The Bible says No.

  In case you didn't understand what I just wrote, the Bible clearly teaches that I should share my faults with another. No sharing, no healing. Simple, huh?

  This goes against my very nature. I want to conceal and hide my faults. I want to simply grow away from them, not grow through them. I was raised to hide from what I have done. Its a unnatural desire to want to share. Right?

  I am seeking a new life. I want to emerge a free man. This "sharing" thing is just another tool. It can fix things that no other tool can fix. Don't use the wrong tool. 

  I have used many things as a hammer. Cresent wrenches, screwdrivers, and even rocks can all be used as hammers. But nothing works as good as a hammer in doing what a hammer can do.

  So into my life I must bring this new tool. It promises to break me and heal me. I don't like pain and I am sure there will be some. But I really want to be healed. 

  When I was growing up, there lived a racoon across the street. His name was Sammy. Sammy used to steal my dads hammer all the time. My dad would weave a rich tapestry of fine words whenever Sammy would do this. I, of course, would laugh. Not around my dad, he was mad enough already. 

  Someone (Satan) has stolen my hammer. God gave me the tool and I didn't take care of it. I robbed myself of the blessings of using the tool. Satan is laughing. 

  Enough of that! That ole serpent is a tricky one. I am tired of playing his games.

  I will swallow my pride. I will humble myself. I will beg God to forgive my past. And I will share it all with someone. Yep, that's what God wants. I am willing.

Overnight runs

  I enjoy driving at night. It is by far less crowded and thus less stressful. I listen to podcasts while I drive, so my choice in entertainment doesn't change.

  However, there are problems unique to driving at night.

  Such as, some people forget to switch to lowbeams when they should. It is bad when they are approaching from the front, but usually a little flick of my highs reminds them. It is worse when they are approaching from behind, there is no way to remind them. Well (should I share this) when they finally do pass, I turn on the highs for a bit to give them a "gentle" reminder. Hey, I never said I was perfect! Its only for a second or two! They started it!

  Then there are the days when I have slept all night, woke in the morning, only to find out, I have to drive thru the following evening. This can be tough. It is difficult to get back to sleep before the next run.

  I have a couple of tricks I can do to help. Such as, I don't drink coffee very often so when those nights do happen I get some and then I am jacked baby! Also, I don't generally get more than 6 hours sleep most nights, so when I do need to catch a little more sleep, its no prob at all, in fact my body kinda thanks me. 

  I guess another problem with driving at night is the phone calls, there rarely is any. I enjoy my calls. It can really help when I get to talk with my family and friends. At night the phone is quiet and I imagine all of them peacefully sleeping. This is a good time for reflecting on the people I love.  

  On the night runs, it can get a bit lonely. Sometimes, I start listening to loner music to really get in the mood. Songs like "Desperado" and "Hear I go again on my own" are perfect for getting depressed. Morbid huh? Yep, you betcha! I know it sounds odd, but sometimes salting the wounds is rather enjoyable. C'mon you don't get this way? 

  As you have most likely guessed, I have just finished a night run. It was pleasant. I don't remember any high beam problems. My eyes burn a little. I am wired from the coffee.

  Speaking of coffee, my mug can hold a staggering 52oz of coffee. Hey, that's a full pot o coffee! Awww Yeahhh, coffee and "Cool ranch" Doritos, let's roll!

  Well, in a couple of hours I will get some sleep for the day. Flipping between day and night driving is tough, but fun. No, no, really it is fun for me. I was born to drive. I love the challenges of driving. Its all the other stuff I miss out on that I don't like.

  Keep it between the lines. And remember, lower those beams! There are rude truckers out there who flash the high beams to remind you if you don't!    

Dancing

Oh how I would love to take my wife on a dance. Funny thing is, I have never been into dancing.

  When dances were held, back in my youth, I was always on the edges. I never stepped out and joined the dance. I guess people called me a wall flower.

  Today I want to live. I want to dance. I hope I won't choke when I get that chance.

  My bride will most likely be a little embarassed walking out onto the dance floor. (So will I) The cool thing is that we will press thru the fear and into the freedom. Well, I hope it goes like that!

  I have many dreams, like dancing, that I want to explore. I don't want to look back and think that I could have given all but I only gave a little. Dancing with my bride included.

  I am picturing lots of cheesy songs from our youth playing. I see her smiling and laughing. I imagine me trembling with excitement as we head for the floor. Then I whip out my secret weapon, The Funky Chicken!! Hehe. Oh boy would she kill me. Nah, it would be fun and exciting. 

  Pursue your dreams. Even if they are embarassing. That's what I am gonna do.

Cursing

  If cursing were not so bad I would do it more. Then again if cursing were good I wouldn't want to do it so much!

  The last couple of days were a huge emotional rollercoaster and boy did I want to curse big time! This ain't no amusement park ride I am on, this is life on life's terms.

  When Jesus was being crucified, Peter was standing nearby and cursing. As the greatest gift ever given was being sacrificed, ole Pete was in his own battle. He was losing. And his foul mouth was flying. 

  I get there sometimes.

  I don't really know what to say about it. It is like a relief valve that spouts off sometimes. 

  I haven't "gone off" or done anything unbecoming, but I sure thought about it! Yep, mental. I am mental.

  I have had so many great things happen as well. I am so glad I get to participate in my life. God is building a gateway in my life that one day I will walk through a new man.

A new man! Oh praise God! I like the sound of that. Old things are passed away, behold, all things have become new. I sure like the sounds of that.

  So I must come to have an attitude of surrender.

  The cursing in my mind will come and go. I might cry and pout like a baby, but I am Gods, and he might let me stay in my stinky diaper.

Brokeness

  I just finished watching "Fireproof" again. If you haven't read my "Let down" blog, go and read it now. This blog is sort of a part two of it.

  My friend and I watched Fireproof together and had a very good conversation afterwards.

  The main theme of our talk was about being broken before the Lord. I was stunned at how real and powerful our conversation was. God has really blessed my life with our friendship. I thank God for him.

  The brokeness I feel tonight is overwhelming. It breaks my heart to watch that movie and recall the years of sin I implanted into my relationship with my wife. The fact is, I was a terrible husband.

  In the movie Caleb, the lead actor, realised his sin and repented. God then set out to heal Caleb's brokeness. Many powerful things happened in the movie. I wept for my own family.

  God has not promised me a bright tomorrow with everything being restored. All He has promised me is His love and forgiveness.

  I desperatly want to cry out "I don't want to be that hurtful man anymore!"  I want the painful memories to vanish. I don't want to remember those horrible things I did. I wish I could fix it. I wish fixing it wasn't so damn hard.

  Today I have begun to walk forward. I have been given the gift of focusing on today. Even though it pains me to be reminded of my failures, I want to know them, so I can work on them.

  As I plow on into life, I know God has richly blessed me. I know He continued to love me even when I was His rebelious son. 

  Please God, transform me. Take away my hideousness. Give me the things in my life that will draw me nearer to you. Help the past to be healed. Help me to be your prodigal that came home. Thank you for sending Jesus for me.

 

Let down

Today I am worried about my friend. We talked about salvation. We talked about repentance. We talked about sin. We talked about motivation for a sinner.

  He rapidly lost interest. He debated the basic beliefs of salvation. Does this concern me? Yes, very much so.

  I worry about his salvation. I am concerned because of his reaction to Biblical salvation.

  We watched a video that talked about what motivates a sinner to receive salvation.

  The video explains how people who are motivated for the wrong reasons can become disillusioned with God and even reject Him. Let me compare.

  Do we tell people that God will give them happiness, joy, good marriages, better jobs, and many other great things? Jesus will be your best friend kind of stuff.

  Or do we show them the condition of themselves. Do we teach them the law in an effort for them to awaken to the need of a saviour?

  You see, the two items are not the same. One tells people life gets better if you know Jesus. The other shows people about judgement and begs them to turn from their sins and trust in Jesus. 

  If the "Life gets better with Jesus" message is true, what will happen if it doesn't?

  If the "Turn from your sins and trust in Jesus" message is true, what will happen if life still has problems?

  Please understand what is being said. Jesus can bring good things like peace, joy and happiness. Those are not the reasons for seeking Him. We seek Him because we are broken. When we seek Him out of a broken spirit, He does bring us comfort. 

  So, my friend wasn't able to keep watching. I don't know why. I worry some when he didn't show an interest.

  Can I question his salvation? No, not really. He may be having other issues that have his attention. But it breaks my heart a little.

  I have been talking to him for weeks about watching the shows. Right now I am saddened that we couldn't watch them. I hope we will someday.

  Yet again, my expectation is premeditated resentment. So, I get to practice love and tolerance, when everything inside me wants to fight. Ah, the joy of the Lord.

  I hope someday I stop putting expectations on others. This crap can kill me. God is starting to open up my eyes to this very important lesson.

  When I started writing this all I wanted to do is complain. I am now aware that I was really harboring a resentment. I feel better now that I see it.

  So, tonight I will keep trudging the road to happy destiny. Why couldn't I be skipping? Ok, maybe a overweight dude shouldn't be skipping! 

  I hope I didn't bum you out. I am not bummed anymore! Thanks again!

Just in time

  Todays supermarkets and other stores use an inventory process called "Just in time". This means that the product comes in just before it will be sold.

  In fact supermarkets only have about three days worth of inventory before they would run out, if the next load didn't come in.

  Its a remarkable process and one I didn't quite grasp until last night.

  Have you ever asked a grocer for something they didn't have on the shelf? They shuffle off to the back of the store, for an eternity, then come back and usually say, "Sorry we are out".

  Last night I got done backing into the dock at a Spokane Fred Meyer. I went inside to watch the product get unloaded. Then a grocer came back looking for a multipack of Brawny paper towels.

  The forklift operator said the paper towels were on my truck. She removed a couple of pallets and viola there they were, the pallet of paper towels.

  Wow, talk about just in time! I drove those over staight from Seattle and the customer drove them straight home. They never even had a shelf life!

  I always wondered what those grocers did, that took so long, to bring back the item I had asked about. Now it makes me wonder if the truck bringing it had just arrived.

  For a spritual angle try this thought out. God has promised His forgiveness and reconciliation. We simply provide the sinner, He provides the saviour. He never stocks the shelves until we turn to Him. Then bammo slammo He transforms us. 

  His truck of salvation has been waiting on the dock. "Just in time" His salvation is ready. It is ready right now. I can't promise you the truck won't have left tomorrow.
    
  Super absorbing, sin destroying, all powerful, Jesus has fought the fight and won the victory. Don't wait to try and find out "Just in time".

Courage

  Having courage seems to me to be a big deal. That feeling of vulnerability or weakness should leave us as we grow in our faith. Right? Ok maybe not. Perhaps courage is not absence of fear, but rather, the presence of strength.

  It is a curious thing then that the only mention of the word "courage" in the new testament is at the end of Acts (Acts 28:15).

  I am sure there are words that are used that are synonymous with courage. That is not the point.

  The point for me is to observe why "courage" shows up at this time and place in the Bible.

  Paul is headed for Rome. He is to face another trial for his beliefs. He has been thru much. Ya know the stuff; beatings, imprisonment, ship wrecks, snake bites, and so much more.

  Then he gets to see some brothers. It is at this point that he is mentioned at taking courage. He took courage because he was with believers. Evidently he had not met any christians I have met! Well, actually he had. These weren't those. These were the true friends.

  This is a large blessing for me to read. Far to often, I have been dis-couraged by my fellow believers.

  As Paul was assured by God that he would be ok, Paul also was en-couraged by his brethren. Wow, give up some love for that!

  So encourage each other. Give each other hope. Go out of your way to be with someone in perilous times. They need you to be with them in the tight spots.

  Paul was a tremendous man of God. He was a fighter for the faith. On more than one occasion he even heard directly from God. His faith was unwavering and without compromise. And yet, this mighty man of God, was strengthened by his friends.

  This has been the case in my life. My mom, dad and certain others have been my support. The courage I have now has been helped greatly by them.

  Will I fail and fumble along in my life? Well, yes! What did you expect! Check out what Paul wrote in Romans 7, it talks all about failure. The point is that we can get support from fellow Christians in our darkest hours and greatest failures.

  Do I expect all Christians to support me? Yeah right! Ain't gonna happen! But those few that do are a super blessing to me.  

  Are you a Christian in distress? Battle worn? Tired and lonely? Afraid of tomorrow? Disgusted by yesterday? Not sure that today will work out?

  Take courage my friend. I have been where you are. At times life seemed a good price to pay for comfort. I had fellow believers step up and lend me there strength til God could give me His.

  We are out here. There are Christians who won't condemn but rather will love you back to a right relationship with God. Have faith and pray for God to send you that right someone. He will. He did for me.