Shadows

  In God there is no darkness.

  That statement is a doosie. For many years I have been a shadow walker, content to have enough light to see but never enough exposure to get burned.

  Jesus said that we do not come into the light because our deeds are evil and we don't want them exposed.

  Truth be told, I was a hypocrite. A hypocrite isn't someone who claims to be good, yet still does wrong. A hypocrite is someone, like me, who did wrong and pretended I was doing good. I was a fake Christian.

  I knew all the songs. I cried at the right times. I studied Gods word. I did many outward things that made me appear as a Christian. Inwardly, I was a graveyard, a white washed sepulcher. A tomb with lovely flowers.

  One day the shadows became too dark for me. No longer could I try to grow there. Man does not have a tag that says, "Plant in partial Sonlight". I was attempting to grow in conditions that were unsuitable for life.

  The light is blinding. Let's be real here. It is the toughest thing to do, this walking into the light. It exposes everything. I have yet to see an ICU room that was ill lit.

  It is a gentle light. God illuminates and covers, all at the same time. Step out dear friend, step out. 

Gription

  By forcing "grip" and "traction" together, you end up with this marvelous "gription" word. My mom used to be so annoyed with its usage. She was very kind about it but would ask me, "You know that's not a word, right?"

  How could it not be a word if I just said it? And you knew what it meant? She is right, of course. Nevertheless, I enjoyed it and spoke it often.

  Imagine my shock to find some guys wearing work gloves with the name "Gription" on them! Good on you whoever thought that up!

Boston baked beans and Lemonheads

  Strange title I know. But I went and bought some candy to scratch an itch my sweet tooth was creating. I got to thinking about candy experiences of my life.

  The one I came up with was back in elementary school and my sister was playing softball. My mom and I would sit in the stands and root for my sister.

  Somehow my mom had the money for me to go and get a little candy. This was a real treat for me. Candy money was in limited supply.

  The Boston baked beans were sweet yet had that savory center of nutty goodness. Seeeing as I am not a sweet tooth guy (well sometimes I am) this candy was just about right. I never quite mustered the patience to make it to just the nut. Besides, they had to be enjoyed whole.

  Ah, but the Lemonhead. Sour and sweet. Now, keep in mind, this was before all this new fangled super sour snacks of today. They were potent and we loved them. I would suck on them until all the yellow was gone. You were then left with a white, softish, kinda pop-rockyish piece of candy. When I was patient enough, the white stuff was truly the cats meow.

  Regardless what candy I had chosen there was always one more facinating treat these little boxes would bring. If you opened one end, left the other end closed, put your mouth around the open end and blew, a instant kazoo!

  If you blew too hard the other end would pop open. Too soft and your mom couldn't enjoy those dulcet tones. Invariably the thing would slobber up or fall apart. I bet my mom was grateful that cardboard wasn't permanent.

  So go find a small box of candy and try your hand at making a kazoo. It has to be a box that can be opened then closed again. The glued on both ends kind won't work. Open it, enjoy the treats, close the little lip thingy, and wail. Perhaps call mom and play some for her. I mean why have all the fun to yourself?!

......Correction.....
  I just tried out a small box of Dots (held six Dots). It squeeked a little. The box was too small for some real kazoo action. Perhaps the glued ones can work. They won't blow apart and maybe they will last longer. Won't mom be glad!

.......Correction update.....
  I have tried a few more "glued" boxes. Only the first one ever squeeked. Bummer :b...
 

Christmas lights

  Its beginning to look like Christmas! Well, ok, still a week or two to go. But, I saw the most amazing light display on another truck today.

  There I was, minding my own buisness, and getting fuel in Spokane. This light show on wheels pulls up in the stall next to mine. I was blown away by the lights and garland.

  The driver had a huge smile. The smile seemed to go past the very edges of her face.

  The driver says, "That's six hundred lights, gotta stop at Walmart for more garland. I still have three hundred more lights I need to put on!"

  Nine hundred lights on the truck! Are you kidding me?!

  The driver goes on to explain why the lights are on the truck so early, "I have a dear friend with cancer over in Seattle. I won't get back to see her before Christmas, so I decorated early. I am on my way to see her now."

  The driver went on to say, "Imagine us, we drop the trailer and cruise all around Seattle in a lit up Peterbilt!"

  Yes, I can imagine. I imagine tonight or tomorrow night there will be a couple of old friends laughing, celebrating, and getting lots of attention.

  What a tremendous gift of love!

  

Painful joy

  Recovery has been painful and joyful, sometimes at the same moments. One such moment is the holidays.

  Yesterday, while doing my shopping, I noticed wonderful christmas music playing. I sang along, chirping and dancing (well, almost). It was great.

  After singing along for a bit my mind began to focus on christmas morning. My wife and I would have just pulled an all nighter to get the presents wrapped. We would stuff some gifts and treats into the stockings. The daughters would wake up and have free reign over the stockings, but would have to wait for Mom and Dad to get up before opening the gifts. They were always so full of joy.

  Due to circumstances that I created, last year I missed celebrating the holidays with my family. There were still times of joy and happiness, yet. I hate "yets".

  So here I am in this Walmart singing along and remembering that this Christmas could be as last years was. My heart sank.

  I quickly realized I had to get out of the store. I grabbed what I knew I needed and bolted for the door. A miracle happened on the way out, there was a cashier with nobody in line, he just waved me in!

  I almost made it to my truck before the tears came. Since nobody was around to embarass me, I leaned against the truck and poured out my soul to my creator.

  So I am left with this strange mixture of emotions in my life. On the one hand, I am set free from my addictions and I celebrate. On the other, my addictions caused trouble that isn't over yet and I am not sure when it will be.

  For today I just move on. I never know when I will be side-swiped with these emotions. I know this, despite how difficult these feelings are to experience, I am so grateful that I can feel them. 

  It doesn't concern me that I could have an emotional moment in a parking lot. What concerns me is, how long until I can share those moments with my family?

  Have patience. God has been pulling an all-nighter. He is making Joshua grow up. I will emerge from this a spiritual warrior. If this process isn't perfected in Christ, I am doomed for failure.

  Take me Lord. Help me to never turn back from your will. I repent of my sin and despise those things I have done. Strengthen me in your word so that I might not fail. Lead on, Lord, lead on. 

 
 

  

Fear and Love

  Last night a friend and I had a discussion about fear. He had been in a conversation with others earlier in the night about fear. Guess some people don't understand how fear functions. He was having the correct thoughts, yet these others mistaken ideas started causing him some doubts.

  His thoughts were, if he begins to have fear in his life, he prays and God removes the fear. True, very true.

  Here's the thing: the Bible states clearly that "perfect love casteth out fear" (1 John 4:18). This section of the Bible is speaking about judgement of believers. It refines the thought down further by talking about how "as he was in the world so are we" (vs 17).

  So, if Christ was perfect and had no fear, can we be the same? Sure we won't be perfect in the sense of living a sinless life, but Jesus' perfect life is transferred to us, when we seek His forgiveness and trust in the finished work of the cross. So, that solves the perfection problem, what then about the fear issue?

  First let's define what fear is. I will choose two basic ideas about fear. One is a fear about things that could happen or have happened. The other is a fear of God.

  The fear of God is supposed to be a good thing. The Bible implores us to have this type of fear. If we are afraid we must ask if we are fearing God. If we are "fearing God" then the problem is solved.

  Most likely we are not fearing God. We are fearing circumstances. These circumstances can be self-inflicted or thrust on us by others. So what do we do?

  We must place our trust in Gods love. Provided that I have trusted Him with forgiving my sins, why should I struggle placing the rest of my life upon his shoulders? Am I forgetting that God has all power? Do I have assurance of His love penetrating my very being?

  The solution to the fear problem is so simple. Read the Bible, trust, and do what it says. Leave the worrying to God. He can handle it. He really can.  

  Upon reading this, you may think I have over-simplified the issue. You may have doubts that creep in and sieze you up. Hours upon hours spent freting over problems causing untold amounts of grief. Sleepless nights. Even ulcers can happen.

  Give it to God. My friend, God cares for you. His love will cast out your fear. He wants you to trust Him in everything. Praise God for His amazing grace!

  Oh, but let me caution you. If we have not received the gift of salvation, we should fear. If we have known sin in our life that we refuse to deal with, we should fear. If we are not doing the things God has asked, we should fear.

  It really is quite simple! Let me implore you, cast your cares upon God. Trust not on yourself. Let the finished work of Jesus carry you through life. His promises are real and His love is sure. Oh friend, give your heart to the one who made it!

  Step out and trust in Jesus. He promised to send you The Comforter. Take the gift! If God be for you, what worries could you possibly have?

Step into the light

Click Here. Timothy Brindle sings about being set free from pornography and sexual sin. Please, if you struggle or know someone who does, pray for them and share how Christ can set them free. Free indeed.

Mine Iniquities

Psa 40:11-13   Withhold not thou thy tender mercies from me, O LORD: let thy lovingkindness and thy truth continually preserve me. For innumerable evils have compassed me about: mine iniquities have taken hold upon me, so that I am not able to look up; they are more than the hairs of mine head: therefore my heart faileth me. Be pleased, O LORD, to deliver me: O LORD, make haste to help me.

  

Crab Truck

  This truck was parked next to me and getting unloaded at the same time. When he pulled out of the dock I noticed some tubes and airlines running along the inside ceiling of the trailer.

"What are the airlines for", I inquired.

"For hauling live crabs to the market from the ships", he replied.

  This is very specialized transport, I suppose. The airlines somehow keep the crawlers alive while in transport. Cool huh?

  This reminds me, I want to have a crab cookout sometime. I will call it a "Bring a hammer dinner". Everyone brings a hammer, we lay out some butcher paper, and lay out crabs and corn on the cob. There could be other food stuff as well. The point is to have a complete "hands on" dinner.

  Imagine the fun of everyone smashing and laughing. It would be a night to remember. Perhaps for music "If I had a hammer" would hit the spot.

  What kind of fun dinner parties can you think up? Have fun!

7 Billion People!

  The figure is so large (7,000,000,000) it is almost inconceivable. Try it out this way:

If you averaged one second for every number,
If you counted every second of every day,
If you only counted to 1 billion,
IT WOULD TAKE OVER 30 YEARS!

  Ah well. Glad you and I aren't God. That's a whole lotta people to keep track of. Staggering number isn't it? 30 years to count to 1 billion.

  Just a side note:
There is roughly 2.8 billion acres in the USA. That's about 3 people per acre. The earth is huge by large!

  My wife was wondering how they counted them all. They must have started like 200 plus years ago!

Lonnie Frizbee

  I have been catching up on the history of the Jesus movement of the late 60's and early 70's. Lonnie Frisbee certainly played an intregal part in these happenings.

  When Lonnie was saved he eventually found himself at Chuck Smiths house. Chuck had, until this point, rather despised the hippies and wanted them to clean up and change. When the two met Chucks heart was changed and thus began the transformation of Calvary Chapel.

  Lonnies life was one of struggles and victories. Much like the men in the bible, Lonnie served God yet struggled with his flesh. The bible speaks of these stuggles as being common to all men. The only exception to this truth is Jesus.

  Although Lonnie and I would have disagreed on some points about serving God, his salvation message and experience I find agreement upon. He spoke about repentance and reconciliation. He spoke about wrath and judgement. He spoke about love and mercy.

  I thank God for Lonnie. I have had troubles in my own walk with God. My troubles were also self-inflicted. I have been concerned that these faults meant that God could not use me. Lonnie proved that wrong. 

  Someday I will meet Lonnie. I hope heaven is a place where I can thank him for his service in the Kingdom of God. Many men have influenced my life, for some Lonnie influenced theirs. To be direct, without Lonnie and Calvary Chapel, my parents would not have met and had me. Now that's sumthin'!

  I stand in awe of Gods great grace. I, like some others, will always wonder how much more Lonnie could have been used if he hadn't let certain sin into his life. Nevertheless, God used Lonnie in a mighty way and the world will never be the same. Praise God that He uses broken sinners to preach the word.

  Lonnie, I never met you, but my life would not be the same if you never had served God. Thank you.    

 

So cute!

Impulsiveness

  I really kick myself over my impulse nature sometimes. The darnedest things can catch me. A little candy bar? Yes, please. Going out to eat rather than cooking? Of course!

  Oswald Chambers said, "An impulsive man is always a petted man". Yep. I gotta be petted. The image is just too funny. I can imagine sitting at Gods feet and rushing around like a yip dog, begging for little treats.

  It is a tough thing to become a disciple. Putting away those childish desires isn't natural. Many men have traded in tremendous marriages for those impulsive desires. I know I did.

 

The Switch

  Upon salvation the newfound believer encounters the most amazing transaction the world has never seen. All his sins were placed upon Jesus and all Jesus' righteousness was placed upon the newfound believer.

  Oh friend, do you grasp this truth? Can you fathom the depth of Gods love in this thing? Lemme explain.

  "Lucy, you have some esplainin' to do"

  Every moment of every day, for over thirty years, Jesus walked this earth and never once failed God. Wow! Behold, the perfect man, Jesus.

  Every moment of every day, for our lifetime, we have never once succeded in not sinning. The hallmark of our life is sin. Complete and utter failures. 

  When Jesus bore "the sin of the world" he also took on our sins. It is finished. Oh boy was it ever!

  This transfer is mind blowing. Jesus did not become a sinner, He became sin for us. This means that God looks upon my lifetime of sin and sees Jesus' lifetime of perfection. This also means that when Jesus bore our sin upon the cross, Gods wrath against our sin was poured out upon Jesus.

  What a gift! What a glorious God we have! Thank you Jesus for bearing my burdens and giving me yours! Taking my yoke of sin and giving me the yoke of righteousness is truly the best gift that was ever given.

  How about it? Have you let Jesus bear God's wrath for you? Or are you still hoping God didn't mean it? 

 

Chief sinner

Isa 54:17   No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD

  I have always heard the first part of this verse quoted. When I read the verse today my eyes about fell out of my face.

  I always had thought the verse refers to being protected from the devil. It does, in part. But that semi-colon is a doosie! "Every tongue" certainly adds a few more to the list doesn't it?

  The last part of the verse makes it abundantly clear that righteousness is only obtained of the Lord. We have no claim upon our own goodness. To further press the item home the Bible also says that OUR righteousness are as filthy rags.

  In a very real practical sense this verse speaks to the gossips in the church body. These judgemental people have often forgotten the huge debt they owed and the tremindous price that had to be paid. Here is a list of all the people I know who gossip. Haha, just kidding!

  Clearly in my own life this was the case. I set about building what looked like a good christian life, but really I was working on becoming a competitor with Paul for the title of "Chief Sinner". I very nearly obtained the goal.

  The goal of obtaining the title was thwarted by Gods word. It explains that all sin is disgusting and vile in Gods eyes. He will cast people away for being simply liars all the way up to rapists and murderers. Will people in torment be compairing whose sins were worse when all the flames are so hot? How could they? No comfort can be found for those in Hell. Obviously the one who wins the title of "Chief Sinner" is everyone. Only those who repent and trust in Jesus can truly grasp this concept. 

  If my broken spirit truly understands the nature of the sacrifice of Jesus, then I won't be as willing to crush someone under the wrath of my judgement. Gods judgement is plenty. The people must be warned. 

  Upon trusting in Jesus I am made aware of what a wretch I have been. Selfishness was my lifestyle and it cost others dearly. I will gladly take up my cross and follow my Lord. Every sinful action I ever did was placed upon Jesus at the cross. Oh grateful man that I am!

Exception to the rule

  I have a dear friend who wants his son to get involved in a church. He is hoping there may be a youth group his son can become a part of. I really hope his boy will be able to find a solid Christian group to be a part of.

  He is going to speak to a pastor of a church he hopes to attend. That's good. He expressed hope that the pastor would make an exception for his son, who is one year to young, to attend the youth group.

  I have mixed up thoughts about this. On one side, I see the needs of his son. On the other, age appropriate groups are good and his son should attend his own age group.

  Nevertheless, the desires of our heart should be to follow God. He is to lead us and direct our path. When we encounter a situation where we think we should be treated special, we must consider very carefully why we feel the situation merits special favor.

  This isn't to say that God can't or won't change things and make an exception for us. God knows, He really does, how much I plead for unmerited favor from Him.
Is it a failure if I don't get unmerited favor from God? Well, no! Of course not. He has control and I am glad He does. I stink it up big time when I run the show.

  I guess the point I am trying to get at is, why do people think they deserve special treatment. It is a silly thing for me to get irritated by, I know. I like having exceptions made for me. Guess I am a hypocritical exceptionist. God, please make an exception for me and not the next dude. Wow.

Wounded in battle

  It has been said that Christians are the only ones who will shoot their wounded.

  Have you found this to be true? Have you trampled on someone who was wounded in the Christian fight?

  We must define terms here. What does a "wounding" look like?

  Perhaps it is someone who is fighting a disease. I know Christians who despise those who fall ill. Especially when those who are sick have a mental illness. People who get sick as Christians often get prayer and love. But there are some who believe that sickness is a lack of faith. 

  What about those who get wounded because of their sin? (Strap on yer seatbelt, its gonna get rough up ahead). Imagine this, your fellow soldier has failed. Perhaps in the heat of battle he ran away. Perhaps he became a traitor. Maybe he shot at other soldiers. He was a horrible soldier and you just know it! Maybe he was never a "Christian soldier" at all. That slimeball!

  The key to solving the problem of shooting our wounded is repentance. If our fallen brother is repentant how many times should we forgive him? Don't answer that too quickly! Be honest, you don't want to forgive a brother who really blows it! Don't quote Bible verses like platitudes, what do you actually do?

  It is much easier to shoot the wounded. No sacrifice. No pain. We are a point and click generation. Point - click - problem solved.

  Let me point out something that our military learned. Our standard round for the AR-15 is .223. It is a very small caliber weapon. It is specifically used because it wounds the enemy with less chance of killing them. A wounded enemy will require the assistance of medics. Thus, one wounded soldier takes out three soldiers. Brilliant!

   However, if our enemies treated their wounded as some in the church treats our wounded, the wounded soldier would be shot in the back and disposed of, or left to suffer and die in their wounds.

  Let me paint a scenario:

   Suppose for a moment that someone in your church went and killed someone while driving drunk. It comes out that this "Christian" had been drinking heavily for years. In fact, he had been in "accidents" before. Somehow this person had still managed to "look good" on the outside. Nobody had a clue.

  The person awakens to the horror of his sin and repents. But how can you know for sure he repented? He fooled you before, right? And what about those poor peoples lives that were damaged. No amount of repentance can fix that situation. Can we truly expect God to transform someone who was "a brother" yet failed so dramatically?

  The choice is yours dear friend. Kneel down and help apply bandages, or point and click. What's it going to be? 

  Let me encourage you to become a medic. Help heal the wounded, even when their wounds are self inflicted. Perhaps you know someone who fell. Perhaps the fall was disgusting, heartbreaking, or perverted. Will you help them recover? Are you strong enough to shoulder the wounded and take them to the infirmary?

 

Battle of Bull Run

  I heard an astonishing story about the Battle of Bull Run. The "civil war" was really getting interesting. This battle was fought a short way from the city of Washington DC. There were numerous people who travelled to the battle field, set up picnics, and watched the battle. They wanted to go and see the yankees beat the rebs. Hopefully it was going to be a great show. 

  I understand the desire for those folks to come out and see their troops win the day. What is baffling, is how they could stomach it. "Oh look Auntie May, those young men are fighting so valiantly! Look at that one over there, he seems to be so scared, what a pity. Ooh look, that guys guts are falling out of him!" Get real, right?!

  Unbelievably, the civil war was also a war that you could hire someone to serve for you. You could simply pay them to fight in your stead. Guess if you had money you were "more valuable" than those who didn't. Not a bad deal! Hoorah for the bravery! The few, the proud, chumps.

  Is this any different today? Do we still want others to do battle for us, rather than be the soldier we were called to be? Of course we do. We like to watch the battle, but God forbid, we should fight!

  My natural desire is to place responsibility upon others. They must fight for me. I would like to set up a picnic on the sidelines and cheerlead for the team. Is this Gods will? No way!

  People often think of their pastor as "a hired gun". Perhaps some trust the theologians to teach them the truth, when God said The Holy Spirit would teach us. How about those wars we encounter with our flesh, men? "Its her fault! If she didn't dress that way..." blah blah blah. 

  God isn't amused.

  God wants us to pick up our weapons (Eph 6) and plunge into the battle. He will send re-enforcements but He won't cater the event. How naive of me to think that He might. Our responsibility is to show people the battle, then help fight alongside our fellows in arms.  

  I don't want to be a sideline Christian. The bench is too warm. Send me in coach! I am ready to swing for the fences! I am ready to charge hell with a squirt gun. Oh Lord, please strengthen me for the battle. Oh yeah, by the way, help me not curse those on the sidelines.  

Youtube

  Does anyone use the Blogger app on the android?  If so, have you found a way to embed video in a posting? I would like to post them in a more usable format. Thanks

100 postings

   Yep, made it past 100. What have you learned about me? Lots of humor and insight is what I hope.

  These postings can be a great relief. I suffer from times of being lonely and hopeless. I have learned to lean on and trust in The Lord. I hope to abandon myself to Him.

  At times it is very difficult to abandon myself to God. I have a history of holding onto all aspects of my life. Although I know that God is able and willing to lead me, I still grasp ahold of my life and imagine that I know what is best.

  I know that I am flawed. Last night I was reminded of that. I wanted to sin and was rationalizing the reasons why I should be allowed to. As the process of rationaliztion continued, God spoke gently to me. His words were, "Don't settle for the sin, my plans are much greater." 

  Unlike most of my life, last night I let go and God delivered me. I don't want to be specific about what the sin was, but lemme tell you, it was a battle. Last night I allowed God to have a victory. Today I am grateful.

  I know not where this blog will go. I just hope to share a bit of myself in it. God bless.

The Battle Cry

Hear the battle cry! <-----click

New wineskins

  The idea presented by Jesus, we should not put new wine into old wineskins, got me thinking a bit today.

  What is a practical example of an old wineskin. Could it be a reference to the religious people of that time. Perhaps the modern day religious people could be referenced. You know the type.

  If God tried to pour His spirit into those old wineskins, what would happen? New wine is alive. The fermentation process is actually yeast growing and living in the wine. While the wine is fermenting it releases gas. Yeast farts. Yummie huh? This gas will expand. If you are using an old wineskin it would burst. The old wineskin is dry and not flexible. The old skin does not have the capacity to change.

  So what about the religious people of Christ's time made the old wineskins? They are similar to many groups we find today. They obey the law of Moses, they faithfully attend church, they set themselves apart, and they have a form of godliness. These can be good things. However, these things only appear holy if God isn't in them.

  The trouble comes, frankly, when The Spirit comes. His Spirit wants to consume us. It wants to penetrate every fiber of our being. This process is painful and often takes time. During this process we may desire to be like our old selves. If we were actively sinning or pretending to be holy, we might want to return to our old life of sin. If we were religious, we might want to go back to those sacraments that we find comfortable. That is why God's Spirit can't be poured into an old skin.

  We must become new. We don't have the ability to cast off our old selves. Those bodies had already been used. When we repent of our sins, trust in the payment made by Jesus, God transforms us. We become new wineskins. God did it, not our works.

  Us, as new wineskins, can have times of stretching and pain. We may feel we could burst at any moment. But, because we are new creatures, God promised that we would not break.

  If you are a new creature, then celebrate the changes! To be of service to The King is a high honor. He has taken a fithy, wretched, and lifeless person and remade them. Allow Him to fill you up! Drink deeply from the wellspring of life.

  If you are concerned that you might not be a new wineskin, please consider the following: God made you, loves you, and cares about you. Your sins have torn you away from Him. If you say you have no sin you are deceiving yourself. You can become a better person but you will be in further sin if you think you can be good enough to satisfy God's laws you have broken. Repent (turn from those sins). Place your trust in the payment Jesus made. If you trust Jesus, you will be made new. If you trust yourself, His spirit cannot live in you. He will not place new wine into an old wineskin.

Mountaintops and Valleys

  Oswald Chambers devotion for today, (Oct 1) in "My utmost for His highest, raised the issue of over-reliance upon spiritual peaks to maintain ourselves. His point was that we can set ourselves up for failure if all we want are good times from God. Those "mountains", although great, are not what we are about. They prepare us for the valleys.

  Imagine my surprise when I listened to Greg Laurie today and he also discussed the phenomena. In fact, he quoted the reading from Oswald Chambers. His teaching was posted four days ago and I hadn't caught up yet. So I was floored when those two teachings tied together so well today.

  So let me put my ideas down about the subject.

  The times I spent in the spiritual valleys are so tough. I yearn for the mountain tops. It seems as if life is mostly valleys. It has been said that fruit grows in valleys not on mountain tops.

  A great experience in life is to hike a mountain and when you get to the top having a picnic. I think fruit is a great thing for a picnic. Taking the fruit from the valley onto the mountain is tremendous.
-insert a great spiritual application here-

  Pastor Greg spoke about the mountain of transfiguration. Jesus, John, James, and Peter had gone up the mountain. Jesus met with Moses and Elijah on the mountain. Jesus was shown in his true majesty. His glory was illuminating. What an amazing sight! 

  Peter is such a funny guy. Yet, he is so real. He surveys the scene and concluded that this is what a saviour really should be all about. He is like, "Let's build a place for ya'll to stay in. This is it!" Peter didn't much like the whole plan of God to crucify Jesus, this transfiguration and the prophets on the mountain, now that's what he called awesome. Peter didn't much care for the "valleys".

  I am similar to Peter. When God has brought me up to those incredible mountains, I simply don't like leaving. I stare down into the valleys dreading the time I will spend trudging those difficulties.

  Gods will is for me to be faithful and submitted to Him, without regard for elevation.

  That about sums it up. I was blessed with yet another great teaching. The fact that I have valleys to struggle through should be of no concern. Just draw closer to Jesus. He is able to do what no friend or family memeber can. He can light up the darkest of places.  

Finger nails

  A duck walks into a bar and asked the bartender for some grapes.  "We don't sell grapes", huffed the bartender.

  The next day the duck went back into the bar and again asked for grapes. Very irate, the bartender says, "we don't sell grapes!"

  The following day the duck walks into the bar and again asks for grapes. Fed up, the bartender says, "if you come in here again and ask for grapes I am going to nail you to the wall!"

  The next day the duck walks into the bar and asks if they had any nails. The puzzled bartender says, "Well, no, I don't have any nails".

  The ducks says, "Hmm, well then, got any grapes?"

  Dumb joke. But it made for a good transition into nails, finger nails that is!

  About a year ago I stopped chewing my finger nails off. This has been a learning experience. I have never had to trim, file, or clean my nails before. I think I am doing fairly well.

  I like having actual finger nails. I like it when they are clean and well trimmed. Until yesterday.

  I didn't bite them off or anything like that. Instead what happened is, I caught one on a piece of metal and ripped the entire end off. Yowza!

  I had always heard women complain about chipping or breaking a nail. I never understood. So, for all the women who have I would like to say, "That really hurts!" I gotta be more careful.

  Oh well, guess it will grow back. For now, I just have a sensitive finger tip. I kinda wish it had been my middle finger so I could show people. Just kidding! 

Donkey poop

  Some people may not have a history with donkey poop. I have lots.

  For starters, I grew up in the mountains. There were donkeys that lived there. They were wild yet somewhat tame-ish. In the field behind the house they would gather and roll around in the dirt. The "bowl" that they created by rolling around was always a curious site to explore.

  The neighbors house had stained wood finish. I guess it had just the right flavor profile because the donkeys would chew the corners off the house.

  Our dogs liked the donkeys. They loved to chase them around. We were always worried one would get kicked. Eventually one did. The dog came home with one eye popped out of its socket. I thought dad might try and stuff it back in. That would have been cool!

  Well the donkeys were real poop producers. And us kids just had to find a use for something that was all around us. What to do?

  Fresh ones were still damp so they could stick to your target. And they made a pleasant shplaat when they hit.
  We never could figure out what to do with the dry ones. So they became, on a quiet summer day, the matter of a truth or dare contest. It didn't matter what the truth was, we wanted to see if someone would eat the dried donkey muffins. I did.

  Of course I did. Who wouldn't?

  Next we come to the Grand Canyon. We are on a hike to the bottom and back up. I marvel at all the donkey scat around. Actually I think they were burros. But the flavor was likely the same.

  I commented on all the ample supply of donkey poop around and how great that was. My uncle Aaron thought that was grand as well. He chartered me a licence for exploration.

  It was my job to survey the path ahead and make sure everyone knew when the path was obscured by the delectible droppings. Ok, enough of the food references. That's just gross!

  So what my uncle had created was magic. My family got to enjoy the wonder of Gods creation, marvelling at all the beautiful rocks, while listening to a young boy merrily travel the trail ahead calling out "donkey poop" every few seconds. Wow there was so much! Woohoo! 

  I remember my uncle laughing til his side hurt! He was bright red and loving it. My mom was disgusted. She hadn't  known I ate the stuff, she just didn't like my "donkey poop" serenade. Ah, the sounds of the canyon and a little boy calling out "donkey poop" for hours on end. Ain't life grand, er canyon that is!

A Claymore and the dragons

  The title doesn't give too much away, does it? A claymore is a two handed broadsword made by the Scotish. The 17th century was fought using those tremendous weapons. Someday I hope to get one.

  Let me share a tale. Its a true tale. One that happened to me. Somewhere in the forgotten past....

  I remember those epic battles of youth. The swords would be drawn and we would "duel". It was a delicate process because we were frightened of actually getting hurt. I mean, sure the swords were plastic, but they could draw first blood! So we would end up hacking at bushes or trees, but really we were slaying ogres.

  Many a valiant campaign was fought in those days. Enemy camps were all around. When the territories were finally conquered, we then turned our attention to the enormous dragon problem that faced the countryside.

  We would set up these huge iron prisons and capture the dragons. Wrestling the dragon and making it play nice was our way of showing off. Watch out men! Be very careful to avoid those slavering teeth!

  The dragons loved hiding in the shade. So, we would perch the prison upon a great rock on one side and then wait for the dragon to hide underneath. Then very quietly we would sneak up, yank away the boulder, and capture the magnificent beast.

  While in captivity the dragons would get hungry and we would plunder the neighboring towns for goats or sheep to calm the savage creature.

  Sometimes the dragon would make for an escape. We would cast ourselves onto his tail and wrestle him back into the prison. Some dragons had learned to abandon their tail so they could escape and they could grow new ones! Can't save your face and ass at the same time, right? 

  Eventually night time would come. We would have to retire our swords for the night. Usually we let the dragons go but sometimes mom allowed us to keep them inside.

  I am not sure she understood why we would take her iron skillets outside or why we would set them on the ground with one side lifted up by a rock. Those were the days when skillets were prisons, lizards were dragons, flies were sheep, and little boys were warriors.

Vacation

  Ah sweet vacations. A time for relaxation. Maybe a little romance. In short, unplugging from stress.

  That is the way vacations should be. For me? Not so much.

  In times past vacations were actually quite stressful on me. Beyond the facts of spending money and seeing people, there was always an anticipation of great things that never quite happened the way I thought they should.

  Rain in Disneyland. Fog at the Grand Canyon. Arguments with kids, relatives, and wife. How is it that I can mess up even the most perfect of times? If the sign says "fun times ahead" I get twitchy.

  Yet the romantic idea of a vacation still attracts me. The thoughts of seemingly endless days on the beach or watching a sunset thru the trees while camping. Those boundless days finding the next exciting ride at the theme park. And yes, even spending time around the table trying to relate with people I barely know.

  Family is the point of vacation. At times I felt like Clark Griswald just trying to eek out a little fun, even if it kills us.

  There are many wonderful memories of spectacular times spent vacationing with my family. Those great experiences are items I will always cherish.

  May God grant me a chance to lay down some more memories. I promise to savor every moment. After all, we only have right now. Live in it!    

 

The Pretender

  When others share their experience it affords me an opportunity to relate. This in turn causes deep reflection and perhaps change in my own life. 

  When a man pours out his life experience, I am most willing to learn from this man. The difficulty I have is when men won't do this. They clam up and seem to think that all has changed and thus became better. They seemingly think that time has changed events. I can't relate.

  I can relate to a man who has walked through the tough issues, then shares what had happened. I imagine a warrior who has fought an epic battle. Not an epic battle with an outside enemy, but rather his own flesh. One day he starts seeing some victory. Praise God.

  Years later you ask the guy what it was like. I don't know if its pride, ego, or brain disease, but the guy can't or won't recall the days he struggled. He comforts himself by working even harder for God thinking that the past will just fade away. He fools himself into thinking that perhaps he never struggled. Oh foolish man, how can you help another?

  Listen up pretender. You think God delivered you from yourself just so you can make believe you never failed. Who are you kidding here? Me or God?

  Come on men! Own you faults. Did you have a marriage that failed? Did you fail your marriage? You say, "Well she had a boyfriend". I am sure you were as pure as the wind driven snow. Your mind never commited adultery. Or maybe you had a girlfriend on the side. Nobody knows so you won't tell. Come on man!

  Please men, I beg you, stop white washing those sepulchers. When you share about how good you were while your family was being destroyed, I know you are being a liar and a hypocrite! You can offer me nothing. I can't learn from you how to serve God better when all you do is revise history. Do you really feel better trying to fool me? Pretender.

  Ok, relax here Josh. Gotta calm down a bit. I am sorry dear reader if the wording gets a bit severe. I have been wounded by men who act as though they never failed. Imagine this, they even tell me to try and hide my own failures so I won't have problems! This is not Gods way.

  I am a horrible wretched sinner. My specific sins are so terrifying, I am really not able to talk about them in an open forum. Someday God may ask me to. He hasn't yet. Today I share my story with specific men around me. They have to know what I have done and what God is doing. Failure on my part to share the truth renders me useless for God.

  Think of King David. Many stories of his failures are in the bible. Murder, adultery, idolatry, lying, etc... they are all there. Yet God loved him. He was a dude after Gods own heart! Cool!

  So, how about it men. Can you put aside the paint brush, stop white washing history, and share about your own failures? You seem to do good at sharing about other mens failures. Try sharing yours.

  We must, as men, stop pretending that we always had it all together. Our wretched past is nothing to be ashamed of, if Christ has washed us clean in his blood. Allow God to use your past as an illustration that others can relate to. Or, we can go on pretending and hope our past won't haunt us. Chose wisely. 

Crying out

Here's a video about desperation. I have these thoughts happen. I am so glad others have these thoughts also. Praise God!

Sweet summer rain

  I am parked in the Seattle area today. For the last week or so the temperature had been fairly warm, edging on hot.

  The blackberry bushes are laden heavy with the fresh berries. This day of coolness and rain will refresh those berries. In a day or two the berries will be sweet and very pie worthy.

  I love the summer rain. The smell of the asphalt freshly rinsed seems to draw me back to a simpler time.

  The rain is so lovely. It is a gentle rain. There isn't even a hint of a breeze.

  These simple pleasures must never be forgotten. It is an evening like this where you can sit on the porch and listen to the seasons change. You can worry if the dog will shake while you stand next to her. The birds and bugs have called it a night. The gentle pitter and patter is like a summer symphony.

  Enjoy these days my friends. God has provided an amazing world. Let it calm the savage beast. If you have a beauty, take her outside and enjoy a coffee together. Be still and know God. 

Darkness

Here is a song that reminds me how I feel sometimes. 

Expressing Love

  When life is full of turmoil, when answers are not forthcoming, when things don't yet make sense, how do we share our love?

  As Christians we are told to "Love one another". Obviously if this were easy or natural we wouldn't need such a command. But this still doesn't answer how we are to express our love.

  For some occasions telling the person that you love them is the primary choice. We debate within ourselves about telling a person that we love them because sometimes the act of telling them can be damaging.

  Think of a woman who has been in an abusive relationship. She loves her husband but telling him so may cause even greater harm. Her choice on telling him may revolve around his repentance. If he is repentant her decision may be easier. Then again, it may not.

  She may be waiting for him to bring forth "works meet for repentance". She would be wise to wait for that time. She may be concerned that regardless of his repentance they should not have a future together. Again, she is wise to not speak of her love.

  Let's consider the man. He has failed his bride. If he is a wise man he is repentant. So what is he to do? Should he say he loves her while the process of recovery is ongoing?

  If the man is unrepentant the choice is simple. She may say that she loves him but that his actions have driven a wedge into her heart and she can't let him be a part of her heart anymore.

  If he is repentant but she is still unsure about the future, she would be well advised to guard her heart. He has trampled that heart so much, why should she risk the danger?

  In the end we must always be led by God. He is love. He knows how to express love. He also knows what choices we should be making. Place your trust in Him dear friend. He is worthy of our praise. 

9/11

  While growing up I heard people share how they had remembered vividly what they were doing when something major happened. They spoke about JFK being assasinated and man landing on the moon.

  I really didn't understand this phenomena. When Sept. 11th happened I understood completely. I know precisely where I was when I heard the news.

  As I reflect upon that day, I have a deeper understanding of the loss experienced by those families whose loved ones died. This national calamity has very personal consequences for many people. I mourn for their losses.

  It is important for us to be aware of others grief. If I pass over those who have suffered, I am failing. At a very base level, Jesus understood the struggles we have in our lives.

  Let us have compassion on those who have lost loved ones. We also will lose loved ones. Perhaps we already have.

  This life is but a vapor, the Bible teaches. We have a brief time that we can serve our Creator. Let this day of rememberance keep us aware of others who struggle through their life. May we be sensitive and loving. 
 

Extra pay

  What everyone loves is a bit of extra pay. It seems like manna from heaven.  So, when I had an opportunity to earn a little extra this morning, I thought "Yipee this is great!" 

  In order to earn my extra pay, I would have to unload my truck myself and "create" a receipt for the lumper. Then I could cash the check for the lumper. All cash. No taxes. $175 for 3 hours work, right now. Oooh it is so tempting.

  I actually entertained this idea for a few minutes. There is plenty I could use the extra money for. I most likely would never get caught by my company or the IRS. Why then should I not?

  I would get caught by my heavenly boss. God himself says that I should love him above money. This money, although big in my world, is nothing to him. I stand on the principles of Gods holy word today. My conscience bears witness to the truth.

  It is never easy. The alternative is darkness and I am afraid of the dark.

Fruit pizza

  My wife just posted a new profile picture on Facebook and it is of a fruit pizza. Yummo! Oh the fond memories that photo reminded me of!

  The setting is summer time in my childhood. Every summer would include a trip to the Northwest. It was on one of these vacations I met this incredible food. The fruit pizza was destined to become one of my favorite foods.

  But this is no ordinary dessert or snack. The fruit pizza bursts forth with bright colors and vivid flavors. In some ways it is like a fruit pie minus the pan or oven. I suppose there could rage a debate amongst fruit pie versus fruit pizza. Much like the debate about Chicago and New York style pizza.

  For me, there isn't any debate. I love fruit pie. It is great for dessert most any time of the year. It tugs at the heartstrings of a bygone era and leaves me celebrating and mourning the passage of my youth.

  These feelings are further developed when I remember my wife making her first fruit pizza. I had explained the phenomena to her and with a license agreement from my grandma my wife made the delectible pizza. It was so beautiful we almost didn't eat it!

  The fruit pizza has the perfect blend of sweet, sour, tart, and crunch. The variations of fruit that can be used is endless, so the pleasure is limitless. Like many great foods, fruit pizza is so good that it is seldom made. It isn't brought out for specific occasions, but when created it always is a crowd favorite. One needn't have a degree in cooking to create a great fruit pizza, just some simple ingredients and some imagination.

  Hmm, I need a snack. Got any ideas?

Interuptions

  I heard Luke 8:41-56 preached in a way I had never heard before. Let me explain what I learned.

  Jesus returns back from a brief trip. The trip itself was incredible and when Jesus returns he finds the people gladly receiving him. They had been waiting for him.

  A man steps out of the crowd named Jairus. Jairus approached Jesus and requested for him to come to his house. It says in verse 42 that Jairus' daughter lay dying. It was Jairus' only daughter, about twelve years old. Heavy stuff. 

  Jesus accepts the invitation and they start heading out. Then the story changes. The people began to press in a bit and suddenly a woman touched the border of Jesus' garment and was healed! Jesus stops and addresses the woman. Jairus' plans are interupted.

  What is Jairus gonna do? This delay may mess up everything. I never noticed that he had been placed into waiting while the woman with the "issue" got healed. How is Jairus gonna handle the situation? Is he thinking that God is less concerned about his problems than before? Perhaps he is thinking that there is still plenty of time. Maybe it will still be okay. Healings only take a couple of verses. Its fine. 

  Well, the plot thickens. While Jesus is sharing a lesson about the woman being healed, someone from Jairus' house arrives with news, "Thy daughter is dead, trouble not the Master".

  Here is what I would have been like. My mind starts racing. My pulse quickens. My body won't function right. I can't breathe. Is she really dead? OH NO, I didn't make it! The quest is over. I swung for the fences and struck out! I won't ever see my daughter again.

  Ever been there? Same here.

Jesus read this mans thoughts and said some words of encouragement.

  Jesus said, "Fear not: believe only, and she shall be made whole."  Jesus knew what was going thru poor Jairus' mind. They continued the journey.  
 
  I am on a journey. I stumble along grasping for faith. I have found Jesus. He says that he will come. To be precise, I will follow. Its a long, long trail. I never been on this trail before this. "Where are we going Lord?" Did we get diverted. I want to cry out, "Hurry up, we might be too late!"

  Am I really this naive after reading this story? Sometimes.  I know Jesus is leading my path home. I freak out on occasion and hope my family will be found alive when I get there. Yet I trust him.

  The story ends with Jesus being ridiculed and him rescuing the girl. I like happy endings. Knowing Jesus has been the sweetest thing I have ever known. People ridicule him, yet I know he is all powerful. After all, I sure ain't got any power. It is all Jesus. 

Husbands love your wives

  Here's a video of a young man striving to be like Christ. He wants to love his wife the way Christ loves the church, just as the Lord commands.

  I am awestruck by this. Where was I when lessons like this were being taught? It took a powerful jolt for me to change. What would it take for me to be able to sing this song? Learning guitar and becoming a better singer for starters.

  The needed change has already happened, as far as wanting to serve God by loving my wife. I am a dufus for not seeing it before. I will strive to be what God wants me to be. I can not control what others will do or what the future will be. I will serve the One who does. 

  So I call out for men everywhere, will you love your wife the way Christ loves the church? Start now! Perhaps she will be like Christ and forgive all the crap you pulled before. Just be willing men, and allow God the chance at leading your marriage. Repent men. Give of yourself. Crucify your flesh. She is worth it. Jesus thought we were.

Gods will

  How can I know what the will of God is? Someone said, "Gods will can be found by always doing the next right thing". Sometimes this is a perplexing proposition.

  That being said, the quote actually works exceedingly well. The part that is missing is the part about the pain. It doesn't include my feelings. But feelings aren't the point, are they? Its faith. We walk by faith.

  You are likely wondering, "Why the cryptic language?"  I am in a changing situation right now. God, I believe, has led me towards a new job. I am going to be trucking around the Northwest now. I won't be driving into California anymore.

  So what?

  My Mom lives in California. I have developed a love for her that I had never known. This new job will eleminate the ability for me to drive by and see her. Pain ensues.

  So, is this Gods will? Should I take the new position in spite of the hurt I feel? Yes. I have been asking God to provide this new job. Many things I hope to achieve rely upon this new job. If its Gods will to happen this new job would be seen as the natural progression in my life.

  I prayed for it. I desired it. My dreams are tied up in it. Yet, when it happened I had regrets. Is this normal? How is it that I haven't perfected following God?

  So I battle on. I want to be found faithful. I must fight on.

The Seaplane

  In the summers of my youth we would visit family in Washington state. On one of these visits we took a plane ride around Seattle. It wasn't a plain ride.

  I think I remember it being a seaplane, I am fairly certain of this. Regardless, it was going to be exciting. The ride in a small plane, the beautiful views of the city, the thrill of conquest was in the air, and this little boy was ready.

  We filed into the small plane while the pilot finished performing his preflight. My mom was nervous and it showed.

  The pilot was an elderly man. Had to have been at least forty years old. Just kidding. He was a senior and perhaps looked a little frail. He had sat down and was struggling with his seat belt. I think he said something like, "I can never remember how this thing works!"

  My mom froze.

  How can this guy fly us around the city in this plane if he couldn't even fasten his seat belt? I, of course, thought nothing of the matter.

  We rocketed off into the sky and it was breathtaking. In fact, my mom couldn't breathe! We traced the city and enjoyed the views.  Once we landed her trauma was finally over.

  There is a lesson here for me. While I am panicking about the small details there might be others enjoying the view. I am sure the seatbelt thing was a ploy to help people relax. It sure worked for me!

Am I a hero?

  After listening to the testimony of Louie Zamperini I got some clarity in my life.

  I have been desirous of an event to happen, where I emerge a hero, so that I can hold my head up and know that other men do not think less of me. You see, my life as an alcoholic was filled with lies, deceit, and even criminality.

  People who survive through tramatic events and have a dramtic deliverance are heralded and lauded by the church and society. Can those who caused those horrible things also have the same outcome?

  I am not certain.

  This is where my struggle lies. It is a different thing entirely when someone has victory over self created problems. They are perhaps treated as though it was no victory. In fact, some may even wish that the victory came by some form of punishment.

  God doesn't operate this way. Sure men get punished for there wrong doing, and this is correct, but sometimes God heads straight for grace. This is most evident when one considers hell.

   Will people be able to celebrate my victory? I can't answer this. I have met people who won't. And I have met people who will. I have met people who believe that a victory cannot happen and maybe are praying that one won't.

  Let me sum up by repeating a question. Because my troubles were self-inflicted, will my deliverance be celebrated as much as someone whose problems weren't? In myself they will be.  

A Hero

  I just listened to a story about a WWII veteran who survived incredible odds. Louie Zamperini's plane went down in the ocean. He spent 47 days on the sea in a life raft. Then he spent over a year in a Japanese concentration camp. He returned home from war with Post Tramatic Stress that continued his problems. He eventually went and heard Billy Graham preach. He received salvation and his life began anew.

  This dramtic story has such a profound message that it conveys. This man even forgave the Japanese officer who punished him every day. Remarkable. Thank God for this man and his testimony.

A New Beginning

  I have started listening to Greg Lauries daily podcast. Its called "A New Beginning". He has been sharing about many topics of interest that I have. Perhaps the most powerful is his testimony. I will be trying to acquire the cd, dvd or book sometime soon. Gotta keep an eye out in the book stores for that.

  I am mentioning this because of the turmoil and grace I have in place in my own life. I am currently living through a chapter in my life that I desire to have finished. When will the new chapter start? I see the stage being erected for the next stage, yet I wonder when it will arrive and what it will be like.

  Its like I am stuck in this parenthetical place. I listen to the stories of Gods grace in these peoples lives and I rejoice. For them.

  Did I take the sin bridge past some unseen limit? Sure feels that way sometimes. I cripled myself. Am I unhealable? Through weary and tear filled eyes I ask God, "Of what use will this wretched man be?"

  I am assured by Gods holy word that redemtion is possible. He has expressed love towards me, and I know it. Gregs story is powerful. Can I have that same story written for me?

  I want desperatly to read the first few pages of the next chapter. Maybe a spoiler alert could sound and I could have a glimpse at the future. But alas, this is not meant to be. He is the author and finisher of our faith. I must stop trying to be the editor and accept His work. Its hard. I am struggling.

  God is working. Who am I that I should complain? He is the master craftsman. Perhaps yet He can make a vessel, fit for a Kings use, out of this muddy mess that I am.   

Laundry

  Today was a test of my laziness. I was down to the final two shirts and one pants. Why is pants plural? Well anyways, I had an opportunity at doing my laundry. Why is it so hard doing it? Its not like I had anything else I could be doing. Yet I don't like doing it. When I am done I am happy I did. For the next few days I am gratefull that I don't have any worries about running out of clothes. It doesn't make sense why I would drag my feet about doing laundry.

  So I sucked it up, acted like I should, and went at it. Its amazing how simple it is. I even hung up the clothes right away so there are no wrinkles. Like anyone cares if a trucker has wrinkly clothes.

  A small victory for Josh today. I saw something I should do and didn't procrastinate. I feel relieved having it done. Not to mention the shorts I now can wear. Oops I mentioned it.

Columbia river

  Yesterday I drove down the Columbia river gorge from Kenniwick Washington to Portland Oregon. As I was driving I took pause and noticed the beauty around.

  The drive is spectacular. It begins in a dry, high desert, environment and proceeds down into a luscious, rain foresty, environment.

  My memories of the area go back into my earliest memories. One of the memories was, as a small child we hiked a large rock on the north side of the river. It was terrific. The trail up clung onto the side of the rock and sometimes had breathtaking drops. My mom was so nervous. My uncle Aaron had plenty too laugh about. I haven't been back on the rock again. It stands there patiently awaiting my return.

  On the south side of the river is the renowned Multnomah falls. This magestic waterfall has many fellow falls that neighbor it. The hiking in the area is some of the best in the country. There are many waterfalls that can only be seen by hiking. The area is noted as being the largest concentration of high waterfalls in the world.

  My first visit seeing Multomah falls was quite memorable, only I didn't see it that way. We went near the bottom of the falls. There is a large pool of water that the upper falls drops into. We walked around the pool and right up to the roaring falls. It was frightening but exhilirating all at the same time.

  Many years went by before I returned to the falls of my youth. I visited there once as a teenager after going on "survival camp". That wasn't a great time at the falls but it was still lovely.

  About ten years ago I brought my wife and daughters there. We hiked around in awe of the beautiful falls. Before going there, I had told my wife about the pool and how you could walk right up and touch Multnomah. It was not so anymore.

  Sometime in those years they had fenced off the falls. They say its because a huge rock had fallen and it could be unsafe. Really, it was a conspiracy set up to rob me of that one experience. Jerks! Oh sure, they have a photo of a wedding party getting knocked around on the bridge by the huge wave created by the boulder. Still, someones pulling something funny.

  My family and I have been back many times. I have attended a family reunion there. I tried catching salmon in the streams with my brother in law (at the horror of the granola crunching fish lovers looking on). I have hiked into and seen many waterfalls. We even invented a way of saying hello in native treehugger. "Granola". Used the same way as "Aloha" is in Hawaii, "Granola" is the proper way of addressing the hiking tourist on the Multnomah trails. Well, maybe it won't catch on, but it is a fun thing too try!

  I love this area. The whole world is a beautiful creation of Gods. The waterfalls of the Columbia river gorge are a signature event of the creation. I highly suggest visiting there. Create some memories. Relive some older memories. Bask in the radiance of Gods majesty. 

Fatso

  I have been thinking about my weight lately. More to the point I am thinking about what I eat. I am doing to try and buy some healthy stuff when I get groceries next time I shop. Mini-chocolate donuts are my kryptonite.

  A few years ago my church had a weigh-off for fathers day. They marched the dads up and weighed them. The heaviest father won an award. For what? Who knows! Another fellow thought for sure he would outweigh me. No way! I had him by a few pounds. Embarassing? Should have been, but I won a prize!

  I am above average in height. And I carry my weight somewhat well. So, generally, I come across as heavy but not overweight. I even had someone lately tell me I was slightly overweight, not huge like I had said.

  When I was a wee lad, I saw a picture of my uncle. He was skinny in the picture. I only ever saw him overweight. One day, perhaps that day, I sat down on the toilet. My thighs smooshed out. I panicked! I went blubbering over to my mom, worried I would become fat like my uncle. She comforted me by telling me that my uncle had always been large. I told her about the photo. She laughed and told me that the picture was taken after he had been broke for a year and couldn't afford to eat. I was relieved. Well sort of! I was always a little leary of toilets after that!

  So here I am today. I carry my weight well and I don't look very fat. But I know the truth. It is time for me to stop being lazy and eat properly. Food has been a source of comfort for many moons. Will I succeed? I dunno. I want too. For today, I will eat well. Then try it again tomorrow. Hopefully the mini-chocolate donut brigade will leave me alone. Seems like every few days they gang up on me. Such subtle foe!

No more whining

  Stupid title. But what else could I use? I am picking up wine barrels and taking them into Washington.

  It is really a neat process. They are all hand made. Dudes with mallets beating the metal rings on. I had seen it done on tv. Like on Dirty Jobs. But this is so much different. These guys know what they are doing. And fast! Lemme tell ya!

  The "firing" is awesome. They have one guy who controls the charring of the insides of the barrels. He is in a room with this huge ventilation system. Outside the building I couldn't smell any charred oak. I suppose they scrub the exhaust of any contaminates. California, go figure.

  You wouldn't know that they were making wine barrels in this building. It looks like any of the other industrial buildings in the area. Just another small buisness making a product.

  The guy loading my truck is French. He speaks good english but with a very thick accent. He pointed out which dock door he would like me to back into. I told him I would rather park in a different one. He surrendered without a fight. Go figure! Oui Oui!

  Ah but seriously, it is a neat factory. I marvel at all the artisans there really are in this great country of ours. God has truly blessed us!

Magnetic trucks

  I have observed that trucks like parking in pairs. If I park my truck all by itself, in inevitably ends up with a friend right in the next parking spot.

  This was today most obvious. I parked towards the end in a huge rest stop. This rest stop could likely park 100 trucks. I parked in the area that had 10 or more spots open on my left and the final 3 spots on my right. Soon after I parked another truck came in and parked right next to my truck. None of the other spots ever got filled.

  What causes this phenomena? What draws trucks together in such ways?

  I know this isn't limited to trucks. On one occasion I went to see a movie with a friend. The theatre was empty. It was one of the theatres that had a wide center area of seats and rows of seating on either side. We took a side row assuring ourselves that nobody would bother us. The next people who came in sat in the seats right in front of us. No kidding! We got up and moved. I wonder if they ever figured out what happened.

  When the pundits joke about us being sheep there is a lot of truth in that phrase. I'm not even trying to be deep here. The average schmo (long o) simply likes to be next to others.  

  I have watched truckers struggle with backing their truck in right next to another truck. The rest of the parking lot is available but they have a need to be close. How sweet of them!

  I am not really bothered that much about this. It is just a funny observation. How many times have you seen people coagulate when they don't need to? Funny huh?

Making Amends

  In my recovery I am currently at the step that "suggests" I make amends. Heck, its only a suggestion if I want a better life. If not, don't follow the suggestion. Simple!

  Yesterday I started the process of making amends. I had the opportunity, and took it, to see my sister. It had been at least nine years since we had spoken. It wasn't that we had a huge falling out, but rather, we grew apart.

  As my alcoholism progressed my sister began hearing more and more about my failures. Huge failures. These horrible things I had done undoubtedly caused her much anger and grief.

  Part of my recovery depends upon trying to right the wrongs I have done. This is scary as hell. I am full of fear and anxiety just thinking about it.

  My sister helped calm my anxiety. When I walked into the room she held out her hand for me to hold onto. I took her hand and we started talking. She told me she loved me and forgave me. I asked if there were things I could do to remedy the past. Her reply was that I could write and call. Basically she wants a genuine brother.

  I was put at ease by my sister. It makes me want to get more amends out off the way. One by one, as I see people in person, I must start. Hopefully those meetings can be as glorious.

  I am certain all meetings won't go as smoothly. There will be people who can not or will not offer forgiveness. My job is only being sincere and doing my best.

  With God leading the way my trepidation has subsided. I am comfortable knowing that I am pleasing to my creator. I am positive that He was satisfied with me yesterday. Being found in Him is truly the greatest gift of all.

  So, for the first time in over nine years, I went to sleep and woke up with a relationship with my sister. Can you imagine?

 

The Lady of My Dreams

  A couple of nights ago I was having an unusual dream. It involved my wife (that is not unusual) and a new car (that is).

  My wife comes to see me and she is driving a really cute new car. She has a beautiful summer dress on. She is really perky and wants to show me this new car.

  In my dream I am smart enough not to flip out. Actually she described how she got the car. She said, "I sold everything and got this new car!" She is so happy and proud. I am freaking out inside.

  She is learning to be a strong woman and I am so proud of her. This carried over into my dream. I never argued, I started liking the car and was trying to be happy for her. The dream ended with me working on my acceptance and repeating to myself, "She sold everything and bought this cute car". Did I mention she looked cute in the car? 

  So here is the punchline. Today I shared this dream with my wife. At the end she thought about the dream and asked, "If I sell everything and buy a new car, then I can be the woman of your dreams?" 

  Kaapow, zing, she got me!

 

Tapatio Doritos!

  Wow are they good. A little spicy, awesomey, bag o chips . I noticed that the bag has all the ingredients in spanish as well! They must be thinking that this flavor of Doritos will be popular among Mexicans.

  I highly recommend getting a bag of them. They have that distinct Tapatio flavor. They also kinda remind me of a breakfast burrito. Perhaps with a little bit of choriso.
  It hits all those notes that I have come to recognise as good mexican food. There is a reason many mexican restaurants have Tapatio on hand.

  So go get a bag. Heck, get a bottle of Tapatio and put a drop on the Tapatio chip! Magic! Another favorite is the habanero Tabasco added to Nacho Doritos. Awww yeaah!

The Hazard Lights

  When approaching a road construction zone, where there is a flagger, I put on my hazard lights. This let's the people behind me know that I will be slowing or stopping. It also let's the people in front of me know that I am aware of what is happening.

  I have seen flaggers visually relax when they see my hazard lights come on. I am sure they get nervous when the cars are approaching. Do they see me? Are they slowing down? Will they stop? Those lights inform them that I see them and am ready to stop.

  Can this be true in our daily walk? When we see a difficult situation approaching, is there a way to signal that we are preparing for it? I think yes.

  I believe God is watching and listening to our prayers. In some ways prayer can be our signal to Him that we are aware of the hazard that is coming. Far too often I have waited until the situation becomes a panic stop, spiritually speaking.

  Letting God know that I am aware and concerned has taken on new meaning in my life. Those people holding the stop/slow sign have never pulled out another sign that says "speed up" or "go faster". I assume that God is the same way. When he places warning signs in my life it is imperative that I heed those warning. Prayer indicates that I am paying attention.

  When I see a problem in the future, prayer is a sure way of getting directions on how I should proceed.

Debby

  Tonight my sister is in the hospital. I have just heard a report that her neck has a fracture and they are transferring her to a hospital that can work on the neck. She does have feeling in her extremities. It was an awful crash, to be sure.

  My prayers go out to her and the family. I am so very grateful she is doing well. Please God, guide those doctors and nurses. 

  I am given to great pause this evening. I need to digest these emotions a little bit more. I must not waste time in loving people. 

  Is it enough to say that I care and am praying? Will she know the depth of my worry? I can't know.

  Soon my Mom will call with an update. It will cause these emotions to swirl around. Hopefully it will be good news. Heal well Debby. I love you.

C+D Drive-in

  Ahhh, the joys of a good burger.

  Tonight I parked next to C+D and went in to check it out. It is a passion of mine to visit small diners sometimes. This place had it all; burgers, shakes, donuts, burritos, pizzas and ice cream. Not just any ice cream, locally made quality ice cream.

  It had and old timey feel and the staff was exceptional. They were a little pricey but it was worth it for the experience. They are located in a little town called Boardman, Oregon. Its a two exit town and one of the exits has nothing on it.

  I ate their signature burger, The Bozo. Hey! That's the burgers name not mine! It was a super thin 1/4 patty fried super quik. The cheese was melty. The bacon salty and crisp. They buttered and toasted the oversized bun. They built it the correct way; bacon, lettuce, tomato, and pickles on the bottom. Dare I say the perfect burger? For this style, awww yeahhh!

  Now I am relaxing in my truck. I have made my phone calls and am ready to call it a night. Just off to the east a thunder storm is building. Gods fireworks are on display. What a most pleasurable day!

An Accident

  One of the drivers of the company I work for had an accident a couple weeks ago. The person in the other vehicle died.

  I can only imagine what is going through the truckers mind. I am sure they can relive the entire experience. I am sure they know exactly what the other driver looked like right before the accident. The other vehicle had blown a tire, came across the median, struck a minivan, then struck the semi, and lastly hit a pickup. The people in the van had to be taken to the hospital. The semi and pickup drivers had no injuries. 

  These kind of events are so tragic and painful. The family of the deceased will have a hard time. It will also be very rough for the semi driver. The semi completely smashed thru the drivers side of the vehicle.  

  When something tragic happens, that wasn't preventable, it can really mess someone up. We all hope to have something we could have changed so the tragity could have been avoided. When there is nothing that could have been changed, we struggle and grasp for answers that never quite make sense.

  I was discussing this with my wife a while ago and she didn't really understand the concept. "How could someone have difficulty when they knew there was nothing they could do?" A day or two later she stepped on a pet frog that had escaped. She understood. She spent that day tearing her mind apart wondering what she could have done differently. 

  This all makes complete sense when you fully see the complexity. When you make an error and something happens you can change and thus prevent another error from happening. When you did nothing wrong and something bad happens you are left struggling with what could be changed. If nothing could be changed how can we grow? It is a truly perilous dilema.

  There you have it. I pray that all people involved will be okay. And I hope the driver of the semi won't be reliving those moments forever. I am sure they are haunted by them.  

Captain Microwave Mind

  In a podcast recently I heard a funny quip about time. They were having a discussion about ice cream and if hot toppings should be applied. I agreed with the one guy when he postulated that the hot toppings help melt the ice cream thus making for a more pleasurable eating experience. The other host simply said, "Why not just add time?"

  That indeed is the question. Is time an ingredient that, when added, can enhance and better our experinces? If we add time, can we do without the hot toppings?

  I read a funny quote as well. "Might as well become friends with time, you're gonna spend a lot of it together".

  Time as an ingredient. Time as a friend. For me, time is to long. Call me, "Captain Microwave Mind"! I want things done quickly. I can't help but wanting things done rapidly.

  However, I really appreciate things that take time. Where they take time too, I have no idea. Is there a time island where time goes to get some time off? No really, things that take time to build or create are often impressive.

  The idea that somethings just take time is erroneous. For instance, it doesn't take time to grow a vegetable garden. It takes soil, seeds, summer, weeding, water, and a miracle. Once all those things are in place then you add time. Not too much later and things will start to grow. Then you start seeing and hoping. If you are good you can start identifying the plants almost right away.

  But we don't eat those tiny plants. We nurture them. We feed them. We hope for them. We marvel when the flowers come out. Then those tiny veggies come in. So cute!

  The point for me is, I feel like a young plant. I am well watered and fed. My roots are tapping deep and my leaves are maturing. So, like, when is the fruit going to come? Actually there is fruit and I am grateful for it. Its a time consuming thing to produce some kinds of produce. And I want the best. 

  I remember going into a community garden at UCR. There was lots of cool things that the stores didn't carry. I was in awe. A lady mentioned that she grew asparagus. I didn't know what it was and inquired of the lady. She said that it took a couple of years before an asparagus plant would produce. As a young man I thought, "Forget that, that's far too long". She had been very proud of them. I couldn't understand.

  How does a gardener plant something that takes so long to mature? I thought two years was like a lifetime. If I planted them then, I would have been like 14 years old when they matured! Who had that much time?

  That lady had no idea if the asparagus would work out. Maybe they would be digged up by dogs or trampled by kids. But she planted anyways. She had great hope and desire to see the finished process. As it turns out, part of the pleasure of gardening is the process.    

  That lady also told me that artichokes took years to grow. She also said they were from the moon. I don't know about that one. Maybe she was growing herbs other than thyme. Or maybe she said they looked like they came from the moon. Funny lady. 

  Time flies when you're having fun. Fruit flies like an apple.

Power

  Ok, I don't have a problem with power. I have a problem with being powerless.

  Maybe I should write a list of all the things I have no power over. Wow, that could be a long list! Perhaps a list of things I do have power over.

Here goes. My list of thing that I have power over:
1.

  Whew! I am spent. That's a difficult thing to write so much. Hope I didn't forget anything. Do you have any items I may have forgotten?

  I enjoy putting a humorist spin on rough things. I guess if something is funny it shouldn't hurt. The things still hurt but I have a better perspective on them.

  Let me freak out a bit here. I hate having no power. I hate not knowing what is going to happen. For that matter, I hate not knowing what is happening. This is one of the largest challenges I encounter.

  I can't get my stupid head to straighten out around this. I get all spun out and bent up. I cry out to God. He says, "Be patient". I can't control patience! Patience just happens.

  I feel like a blind guy. Jesus walks over and heals me. Then I look around and say, "Lord, I don't like what I see". Ok that story is 100% wrong. I am more like a guy who thought I could see, then was healed, only to discover I can't see those things I cared about. That's reality.

  This powerless issue crept up and bit me. For a couple of days it has been dogging me. Acceptance, prayer, talking, reading, and listening. I do these things and they help very much.

  Well that's where I am at. Not very articulate in my thoughts today. Like the doctor said to the patient with a kidney stone, "This too shall pass".

  

Closure

  What comes into your mind when you think about closure? Do you imagine it being good or bad? Easy or difficult? Both at the same time?

  I suppose closure is mostly difficult. We would not be dwelling on it, if it were an easy thing. But determining if it is good or bad is not nearly as simple.

  Usually closure involves a dream dying. A dream that sometimes took a lifetime to achieve. This dreams passage can bring much grief. It is to this grief I want to speak.

  God sees our dreams. He knows our desires. Often He shares those very same hopes. But He doesn't get clouded by objects, rather He sees the people. The Temple is a good illustration.

  God's people had spent years building the Temple. This Temple was Davids biggest ambition. David was refused when he requested that God charter his goal of building the Temple. Although David was not allowed to build it, he saved up the materials that would one day build it. David devoted himself to this end, content that his son could do what he could not. 

  Then came Solomon, the wise guy. It was he who realised Davids dream of the temple. When finished, God came down and dwelt with the people. What a glorious day!

  The nation then yo-yoed between good and bad kings. The temple was destroyed and rebuilt numerous times. Finally the day came when God said that it was over.

  Jeremiah was devestated. He was so disturbed he wrote the book of Lamentations. He poured out his soul. The grief he had was beyond conception. He thought God was gone and that joy could not return. He was wrong.

  Sure, God had left the building. Gods next move was to join in His creation! Jesus came and dwelt among men. This took a while to happen but God knew what He was doing. The Temple was only a shadow of the glory that was coming. Oh if only Jeremiah could have known the great things God had in store! 

  Today the Temple isn't thought of in these terms. I am not sure anyone who visits there is truly aware that God once dwelt there. Instead we christians focus on Jesus who walked outside the Temple. This Temple has some value to us, but not nearly as much as Jesus does. We cannot conceive of God living in a building, when He dwells inside of us!

  Then, one day, the apostles had to say goodbye to Jesus. There was much grief. Jesus was to be crucified. How could this be? The apostles struggled thru this time only to have Jesus say that He was returning to the Father. What now? That's when they got the promise of the Holy Ghost! He will remain with us until the end. 

  How do I apply this today? Why am I bringing up closure? Let me describe some painful closure going on right now.

  I have just gotten off the phone with a wonderful woman (my momma). She is going through some closure in her life. It is so rough, I feel like writing the 2nd book of Lamentations. I wonder when Gods glory will be revealed. Will it happen quickly or slowly? I know it will happen.

  Does knowing that God is in control help? Not if you are His enemy! But to those who love the Lord, it can be comforting. He says that a bruised reed, He will not break.  A smoldering ember, He will not quench.

  Tonight I pray for my mom. I know she reads these letters. I wish I had the words that could comfort her. Heck, I wish I was a warrior and could go to battle for her. I really liked it when David had a show down with Goliath. Could I not be granted a dispensation to open up a can of whoop a** on the enemy! No? Well ok.

  Such is the way it goes. I must sit, watch, and pray for my mom as she traverses this rough time. She knows that God is beside her. She knows many people that love her and pray for her. She is not fighting alone.

  Godspeed to you mom. May Jesus draw you closer than ever before. May this day of closure bring with it new vistas of freedom.

Mom, I love you.   

Facing Jesus

  Isaiah 53:3  He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

  This verse is astounding. To be precise the entire chapter is astounding. But, for this blog, I will focus on this one verse.

  It disturbs me to think about how I rejected Jesus. I have also suffered some rejection and it has caused me to be painfully aware of what Jesus faced.

  Jesus did not face rejection because of his sin. He had none. But rather, He was rejected for others sins. Men despise the fact that they are not good enough and that God had to pay for their sins. They reject His payment.

  "Man of sorrows" is so very descriptive. Jesus' sorrow was tremendous. It literally came out of His pores. He wept for the people. They were blind just as I have been.

  This grief that is mentioned gives me another cause for pause. In my life I have had much grief. The pain of bearing my sin seems overwhelming at times. This same sin Jesus bore on the cross. No wonder He was full of grief.

  The verse also says that He was despised and we esteemed Him not. This statement should send chills down your spine. How many times have we not esteemed Him? How about His people? The bible clearly teaches that we are to esteem one another. How can we do that when we don't esteem Jesus. Or, how can we esteem Jesus and not esteem one another? It is quite the pickle.

  Perhaps if we remind ourselves that Jesus died on the cross because we were such great people. We have never failed. We, in fact, are all God wants us to be. Therefore, when others fail, clearly God wants us to push them aside. Surely God wouldn't expect us to sacrifice of ourselves for people who don't serve God as good as we do. God only expects us to love others who love us. Forget serving in a church where people aren't as holy as we are, God demands churchs to be perfect just like we are.

  Hey, don't freak out! If I was as good as you are I wouldn't be writing this! Many think that last paragraph was what I believe to be true. It was sarcasm. If it were true, why was Jesus a man of sorrows? He could have just found people like you and me, and been a man of joy.

  Hello? Anybody there?    

  Another point made by this verse is about hiding our face from Him. I am not sure I understand this statement. I assume it is talking about turning away from Him while He was being punished for our sins. The problem I have is, how can I help but turning away? How could I watch my saviour be crucified for what I did?

  Let me explain with a story from my life.

  At times I was not a good employee. Big shocker that is! On those occasions my boss had to pay for what I had done. If I failed to do my job correctly or even at all, it was my boss that had to pick up the tab. I was ashamed. At no point in my life have I ever wanted to go to the boss, look them in the eye, and take responsiblity. This, I think, is what the verse is talking about. I turn to Jesus and allow Him to pay for my failure and sin. 

  Please understand, it is extreemly hard to imagine watching Jesus pay the price. But the punishment is so great I don't want to pay it. In fact I can't. I simply can't afford to bankroll my sins and failures. I am bankrupt.

  By placing my sins upon Jesus, He has taken the shame away. I will always be guilty of the sins but I won't be ashamed. There is a huge difference.

  Jesus did not pat me on the back and say, "Oh well, you failed, it will be ok, let me fix that". No, He clearly showed me the enormous price that must be paid. It is very humbling to see someone else pay for something they shouldn't be paying for. I am tired of running up the bill.

  So that is what hiding my face from God means to me. I should "face" Him and say "Thank you".  I should never take lightly my own sin. My sin placed Him on the cross. I hope I can esteem Him better than I have. 

Tehachapi

  No, the title isn't an Indian curse word. Well, I don't think it is anyways!

  I decided to take a detour yesterday. It added only 4 miles to my drive but I completely missed having to drive thru LA. This detour took me across hwy 58 thru the Tehachapis. It was a day full of memories.

  First it was up and over the Tehachapis. When my wife and I first travelled thru that area she remarked that she would like to live there. I remember hoping that one day I could move her to a place she really would love to live. Sometimes we would travel in the area and see huge fields of California poppies.  Those flowers were so bright and vibrant. We were so young. Someday I hope to talk her into running thru a field of flowers in a cute dress. That would be a great memory to have.  

  I continued on into Kramer junction. It was there that I started liking the big trucks. The place sort of had a wild west, frontierie (wow what a word!) kind of a feel. The truckers, I imagined, were the last of the cowboys riding the lonely plains. Somehow lonely seemed inviting at the time. What was I thinking!

  My trip then turned south thru Adelanto and into Hesperia. I lived in Adelanto for a while in an apartment with my sister. I remember her getting a little upset with me when her son got all muddy playing in a puddle. Her son was just barely a tricycle motor. To be fair it was a disgusting puddle. If moms only knew the disgusting things that little boys will do. 

  This short cut across the dessert also reminded me of a journey to the bay area in my 1956 pickup that had no speedometer. I had lost a fanbelt in Kramer junction. Then got lost in the bay area. It was an epic journey. I will write it all out sometime.

  All told it was a very pleasant detour. My mind was bombarded with many great things.

  Sometimes lifes circumstances can get a bit rough. In this life God promises trials and temptation. When I have a chance to take a detour and encounter many great memories, today, I take it.
 

First Love

Here's a song about my first love.

Happy first birthday Neptune

  Neptune just turned one, a couple of weeks ago! True! The scientists who discovered Neptune, discovered it one year ago. Unbelievable? Well sure, if its a Earth year you were thinking of. What about a Neptunian year?

  Neptune orbits the sun about once every 165 Earth years. So Neptune is back in the same location where it was first discovered back in 1846. Hence, it just turned one.

  Kind of puts time in perspective huh? It stumped me at first also. I was like, "I learned all about Neptune growing up. What kind of crazy nuts-o thinks its only one year old?"

  I imagine that time, from Gods perspective, is kinda like this. I run around freaking out about time then this story pops up! Its all relative and God understands it all. Remarkable.

  So it turns out I am only 1/4 of a year old. Ahh to be young again!

  Up next I have to figure out my astrological information. It happens to be that Pluto was really important in figuring out my horoscope. No wonder my life has been so screwy. All my readings had Pluto as a planet. Having the wrong number of planets surely threw the calculations off a bit! Now I know my readings will be right! Yippie!

Prison

  Delivering to prisons is a strange thing. Yesterday I picked up a load from the Airway Heights prison. Then the load delivered over at the Monroe prison today. 

When I got out of my truck I made sure to leave my pens behind. What if I dropped one and an inmate found it and made it into a homemade knife!? I was apprehensive and cautious. Who knows the damage one wayward pen might cause.  

  The prisoners that loaded and unloaded the truck ended up being very nice. I am not sure what I was expecting but it sure wasn't that they would be so pleasant. I suppose that these inmates have done well in the system and likely have little time left.

  When they got the first pallet off the truck it was shrink wrapped. One of the prisoners reached in his pocket, pulled out a boxcutter razor, sliced off the plastic, and started unstacking the boxes. Guess he wouldn't have much use for a silly ole pen!

  I was surprised at how casual the whole thing actually is. They get lots of deliveries and it is not a different thing for them. For me it was the same as any other customer except they were prompt, courteous, and nice. So much for my preconceived notions.

  Heck, I never even had to drive through a security gate. I just had to speak into a box and the guard told me where to drive.

  There was a running track next to where I delivered. Around it quite a few inmates were running or walking. Certainly life for the prisoners is not all about exercise, but those guys doing laps seemed to be enjoying themselves. 

  I delivered a load to a prison in Texas once. It was a minimum security prison but was in the midst of 4 or 5 other prisons. A guard there pointed at one of the other prisons and exclaimed, "That's the max prison where we put people to death". He was very proud. He said there was a museum on site where you could see all the prison implements from the history of prisons in Texas. Wow, now that's a vacation destination! Hey kids try out this funny chair with all the wires!

  It was pleasant today. I took a walk down to a gazebo to smoke a cig. It was the only place on the grounds you were allowed to smoke. While I walked inmates drove by on lawnmowers and said good morning. They could have been anybody in Anywhere, USA just out mowing the grass.

  I have unwittingly thought of prisoners as horrible, heartless, and evil men. The men I saw today were not that way. Is it possible that these men have changed and will make it? I don't really know. Meeting them gave me hope and hope is what makes my life what it is today. I imagine that hope is a strong driving force in those mens lives as well.